CAMBRIOLAGE [noun]
Pronunciation Cam-bree-oh-large
Meaning Despite meaning "DIY" in French, this means Cambridge. (Town or University.)
Usage "Cambriolage is falling down! Falling down! Falling down! But that's no excuse to name a building after Bill Gates, my fair lady!"
Origin Zed, mid-1998, on going to Cambridge for the first time. Still in use, although I have less reason to mention it these days.

CANK [adjective]
Pronunciation Cank.
Meaning Bad, scanky or dodgy.
Usage "This is a cank example sentence."
Origin Zed, sometime before April 1996, because at that point she wrote a story called "Kelly On Cankbridge Island", Cankbridge Island being an island whose main feature was a cank bridge.

CANTENBURG [noun]
Pronunciation Cant Un Burg.
Meaning Canterbury.
Usage It's a great place for chav-watching, if you like that sort of thing.
Origin Zed's parents, September 2000, when their beloved daughter went there.

CARLISSLE / CARLIZZLE [noun]
Pronunciation Car Liz Zul.
Meaning Carlisle, a city in the north of England ten miles from where I live.
Usage Minimal. There are few of the shops that you get free vouchers for when you open bank accounts, the cinema tends not to get films until months after their release, and bands don't play no more. Too much fighting on the dance floor, you see. The clubbing scene leaves much to be desire, too.
Origin The Romans, yonks ago. I call it "Carlizzle" because there's an 's' in it, and if 's's were silent, you'd sound like a library. "I lent", you see.

CARN'T BE BORTHERED [verb]
Pronunciation Carnt Be Bore-thurd.
Meaning Can't Be Bothered.
Usage "I carn't be borthered coming up with a more interesting example sentence than this one."
Origin Zed, mid-1999. Bluetonic speak, since they have a song called "Carn't Be Trusted". Used now and again.

CARRCH [noun / adjective]
Pronunciation V. difficult. Must be said from back of teh throat.
Meaning Cack. Rubbish.
Usage "This is example sentence is really carrch."
Origin Zed, early-1997. Hasn't been used in years.

CASP [noun / exclamation]
Pronunciation Like gasp, but starting with a c.
Meaning A cross between a gasp, an asp, a clasp and a cask. I don't know what one looks like, but suggestions would be well than Morecambe.
Usage Precious little.
Origin Late 1997.

CATERNAL [adjective]
Pronunctiaton Cat Urr Nal.
Meaning Maternal, but towards cats rather than children.
Usage "Ibid is the most caternal person I have ever encountered."
Origin Zed, March 2001.

CENTIPEEMS [noun]
Pronunciation Sent Ee Peemz.
Meaning Pence.
Usage Annoying shop keepers.
Origin Zed, July 2002. If a peem is a pound, then a centipeem is a penny, ja?

CENTIPENCE [noun]
Pronunciation Sent Ee Pense.
Meaning One centipence is hundredth of a penny.
Usage Getting accounts to balance.
Origin Zed, 2002.

CLASSIC WOK [noun]
Pronunctiation Class Ick Wok
Meaning Classic Rock, a magazine.
Usage "I got Classic Wok today. I wonder how many ancient Chinese cooking pots they'll review this month?"
Origin Zed, early 2001.

COAST PODE [noun]
Pronunciation Coest Pode
Meaning Post code.
Usage Giving mail people a second chance to work out where to deliver a letter, if they can't read your writing.
Origin Speverend Rooner, yonks ago. My Dad uses it a lot, though.

CONDOMIS [noun]
Pronunciation Con dome eez
Meaning Condoms.
Usage Preventing unwanted children from entering existence. They are also good for trapping people in phone boxes.
Origin Zed, October 2002. Well, "condoms" is such a stupid, nasty word - it sounds very much like "condemn". So, since they are silly objects, I thought they needed to be referred to in a more entertaining manner, and since some packets are marked "Condomis", this seemed a suitable thing to change it to.

CONGEENITAL [adjective]
Pronunciation Con-geen-it-ul. (The 'G' of 'geen' is so hard it would challenge Robbie Williams *and* Liam Gallagher to a fight.)
Meaning Passing geenic traits on to your children.
Usage "As the wife of both Rohan and Flink, I must be the stepmother of Sarah Yoj and the stepmother-in-law of Chris. Therefore, I must have had a congeenital effect on them."
Origin Andy, 9 March 2000.

COOLNESS (1) [noun]
Pronunciation Cool-ness.
Meaning Abstract noun derived from "cool".
Usage "This is a sentence of coolness!"
Origin Zed, 1998-ish. Still in fairly frequent use.

COOLNESS (2) [abstract noun]
Pronunciation Cool-ness.
Meaning Implies that something is cool.
Usage "I learnt a new word! Coolness!"
Origin Zed, 1998-ish. Still in fairly frequent use.

COPIOUS [adjective]
Pronunciation Coe P Us.
Meaning Large.
Usage V. specific. If you ever find yourself saying the word "copious" yau must interrupt yourself and say, "Someone somethings / somethinged copious amounts of something." For example, "Chris Neill made copious amounts of notes" or "She bought copious amounts of Daz", emphasising the "copious". You are then at liberty to add, "And you're carrying a wasted girl and a bag of fertilizer. You don't look like your average hortibeepinculturist."
Origin Zed, mid-1999, derived from the "We grow copious amounts of ganja" quote in "Lock, Stock And Two Smoking Barrels". Used wherever possible.

CORN [noun]
Pronunciation Definitely not "Corn". "Corrrrrn" or "Cor-run", in a Cornish accent (no pun intended) works best.
Meaning Corinne, a former penpal of mine.
Usage "Corn is not a particularly corny word."
Origin Zed, mid-1995. I was writing a lot of letters then, so I had to leave some out.

CRAGGED [adjective]
Pronunciation Cra Ged. The 'g' is about as hard as it is to get this word into everyday conversation.
Meaning Describes mountains consisting of rugged crags.
Usage "Scotland is filled with gleaming majestic lochs, majestic cragged mountains, and Scottish people."
Origin Zed, 28 June 2000.

CREAT [noun / adjective]
Pronunciation Cree-at.
Meaning Zobo-Creat, this language.
Usage "Creat is a très useful Creat expression."
Origin Zed's mother, early 1997, when coming up with a name for this language.

CRING [adjective]
Pronunciation Cring.
Meaning Description of something that makes you cringe. Since the word "cring" is itself v. cring, it must be ideally whispered as a comment behind a hand.
Usage "We know a song about that, don't we!" Zed's father said. "Cring," Zed said to Noj.
Origin Zed, early 1997.

CSM File [noun]
Pronunciation CSM File, surprisingly enough.
Meaning Signature file, as applied at the bottom of an e-mail or message on a UltraBoard or UBB.
Usage "I've changed my CSM File."
Origin Zed and Flink, early 1998. A signature file became a sig file. A sig file became a cig file. A cig file became a cigarette file. And since we were both X-Philes, that became a Cigarette Smoking Man File, abbreviated to a CSM File.

CUBIK'S RUBE
Pronunciation Cue-bix Roob
Meaning Rubik's Cube.
Usage Hours of entertainment and frustration guaranteed.
Origin The 70s, although not popularised until the following decade.

CYCLOPSPHOBIA [noun]
Pronunciation Sy-clops-foe-be-a.
Meaning Fear of people with only one eye.
Usage "I have acute cyclopsphobia."
Origin Zed, late 1999, on discovering there was no real word for her Greatest Fear.

CZ [noun]
Pronunciation See-Zed. Used to be See-Zee, for some strang reason.
Meaning My first two initials. Former nickname for myself.
Usage "CZ didn't like the fact that her name had started to rhyme with easy, sleazy and cheesy."
Origin Zed [or Zobocop as she was then], early 1998. Rarely used these days.