EN'S HOLIDAY JOB
by En (never!)

On Saturday 16th (the day after I got home from Uni), I started work bright and early (well, bright - no, early - yes) at my local garden centre. Despite discovering in a school careers test that I was a plant (I can tell you're bemused - I will explain*), I didn't think I'd end up working in a garden centre. Then again, life is never what you expect.

I found it a bit awkward starting in the heat (maybe the term heat isn't appropriate) of the Christmas rush so my learning curve has been pretty steep. I've learnt to: use a till properly, plant wrapping, get used to hoovering half the shop (which is huge - groan) making funky bows & look as if I'm actually doing some work.

So to sum up my experience of this place, here are some of perks & nuisances of working there. Before I do this, I would like to say that I DEFINITELY DO WANT TO WORK THERE AGAIN, OK.

Perks & funchie stuff:

  • The limitless (free, if you work there) supply of bubble wrap which is a great stress reliever. I must bring some back with me so that Zed & Ell will love me forever. [Oh, we do! Thank you! - (z)Ed.]

  • The large selection of squashes & biscuits which are free and share amongst all the staff. I've developed a fondness for peach squash and have been enthusiastically sampling all the choccie biccies in the box of Fox's Speciality Assortment. The best thing, however, was the free slice of banoffie pie that we got on Christmas Eve. Mmmmmmmmm.

  • The fact that it is so close to where I live. It's only 5 minutes walk - I can go home for lunch and I don't have to buy lunch or public transport tickets.

  • Friendly customers that make interesting conversation, say "Thank you" & "Happy Christmas. Very much appreciated.

  • Seeing the sweet little kids enjoying Christmas because they still manage to see it as magical & hearing the funny things they say. Who said innocence is dead?

  • The people I work with are nice, especially David who is good-looking and funny (and possibly, at 17, a bit young for me - like I care). If you're reading this buddy, I bet you didn't know I thought you were pretty cute! Yes it was one of many deep, dark secrets I was hiding from you. You had every right to be afraid when I mentioned I had a website. Hope you do not think I am misrepresenting you in any way, you lying, low-life geek (just kidding!!). Our funny moments included pricing the crazed-looking frogs and the psycho gnomes (Me: "Is it me or does that one remind you of Jaws from the James Bond films?"); our conversation on cheesy music (he not only likes The Frog Song [We all stand together] and Star Trekkin' by The Firm - he likes them - cool!); commenting that the ancient looking Santa doll from storage (which looks like a character from "The Bride of Chucky") might actually be alive. "Look, it moved its head." he cried, when it spookily moved its head on its own accord.

  • Pricing & re-pricing goods: the quickest, most-impossible-to get-wrong job in the universe.

    Annoyances & "Why oh why oh why"s:

  • Red Poinsettas - EVERYONE buys them, they look fake & my current idea of hell is an ever-growing garden of them on a mission to strangle me.

  • Singing & dancing Santas - it's mostly kids that like them, though I think that adults that do should be shot. It is SO annoying having them whistle "Deck The Halls", say "I'm in the mood for dancing" & proceed to sing & dance to its irritating Christmas Carols all day. This was most definitely a toy sent from hell.

  • Dancing Elvis Teddybears - dressed head-to-toe in leather dancing to an Elvis song. As a Christmas present it would have to rate as one of the world's greatest crimes against good taste (says she who owns a Right Said Fred album, "The Very Best Of Jason Donovan" and wants to re-buy the Betty Boo album she got rid of)

  • Hoovering - Not only is it a chore in itself but everything that comes into contact with the carpet seems to stick to it. This sort of defeats the purpose of hoovering & therefore it takes ages to do properly.

  • Handling lots of Christmassy holly wreaths - Ouch! Not very nice. The only pricks I want to feel are not holly-related, if you know what I mean.

  • Hearing Christmas carols non-stop - has been really pissing me off. Especially if it is "Jingle Bells" & "O come all ye faithful". Fortunately I have mentally substituted the Weird Sisters' alternative lyrics to these to stop me from driving myself crazy. The trouble is I can't really sing "Jingle Balls"** or "O come all ye faithless" in front of the customers without running the risk of offending them (not the best plan if I want to work there ever again). Darn.

  • Customers that buy loads of stuff and then change their minds about what they want to buy, how they want to pay or managing to completely mislead you by putting their goods with someone else's so that their total is wrong.

  • The complete lack of taste of many of the customers - I can't believe half of the tacky stuff they buy.




    * I did a careers test a school which determined what role you would have in a company. It contained every category from ordinary worker to (project) shapers and chairmen. I was the only one in my class that turned out to be a plant. A plant is an "ideas" person who contributes as much or as little to projects depending on what he/she feels like. He/she is therefore the illogical, intelligent, creative force. (back)

    ** "Jingle Balls" was an attempt at a Modified Christmas Carol. It got as far as, "Jingle Balls, not so small, let's go all the way! Oh, what fun it is to ride you all night and day! Ohhhh!" (back)




    Right. I'll pretend I understand.