ESSAY NIGHT
by Zed

Essay night, holy shite,
I've got two thousand words to write.
I want to go out, have a night on the tiles,
Come in at three and eat something quite vile.
My friends are at The Venue-ue!
But I've got an essay to do.

Essay night, holy shite,
I want to get pissed and high as a kite.
I want to dress up so I look like a whore
And practically shag someone on the dance floor.
But Christ, my essay is due-ue!
What am I going to do?

Essay night, it's all right,
I've now consumed most of a bottle of white.
I love writing essays, it's better than sex.
I'll write this one now and then maybe my next.
So if you've an essay to do-oo!
Alcohol will see you through.


O COME ALL YE FAITHLESS
by Ell, En and Zed

O come all ye faithless
Leches and prostitutes
O come ye, o come ye
To my bedroom!
Let's have an orgy
Wake up all the neighbours!

O come along and join us!
O come along and join us!
O come along and join us!
Have lots of fun!

God, this is good!
Let's do it 69-style
Don't abhor me, I've no virgin's womb.
Very good
Now we have procreated.

O come, won't you adore me?
O come, I feel so horny!
O come right now, don't bore me!
He-ere we go!

Shag all your housemates!
Shag all your classmates!
Shag all ye students at UKC!
But don't tell the teachers
And please don't tell our boyfriends [What boyfriends? - (z)Ed]

Or they will all get jealous
Or they will all get jealous
Or they will all get jealous
And we will get killed.

Oh my God
It's the morning after
Why did I shag that ugly geek?
I hope I'm not pregnant
What would that kid look like?

But I think it was worth it!
Oh, I think it was worth it!
Yes I think it was worth it!
I got laid!


STUART THE SEXY MANAGER
by Ell, En and Zed

Stuart the Sexy Manager
Wore a very dashing suit.
And if you ever saw him
You would probably say, "He's cute!"
But all of the other workers
Used to laugh and call him names.
At all the office parties
He'd come last in all the games.

But one boring afternoon
Soppygit had to say,
"Stuart, that suit looks so shite
Take it off for me tonight?"

Now all the other workers
Have rumours upon their lips,
"Stuart the Sexy Manager
Can you give us any tips?"


O BUBBLE WRAP, O BUBBLE WRAP
by Ell and Zed

O bubble wrap, o bubble wrap!
You are so good for popping!
O bubble wrap, o bubble wrap!
I get you when I go shopping!
I find you in the apple box!
I stuff you in my shoes and socks!
O bubble wrap, o bubble wrap!
You are so nice and totally uncrap!