I was in a pub. It had four manky toilets and one nice one.

I went to diarist.net to find it been redesigned in light blue and hospital green and all the links were broken. It turned into a Cambridge college, about which I was making and starring in a film.

Part of it was a giant church where some people were getting married. Part of it was a big luggage carousel. My online friend Andy declared he really liked my bed covers and gave another online friend, Twi, a massage. The film crew went into the room of my online friend Dom (who really is at Cambridge) to interview him, but he refused to get out of bed until he noticed the room was on fire.

Everyone filed out of the building onto the school field. I was one of the last to leave and a man standing at the door said that I should get ahead, since I was a woman. I told him he was being sexist, but pushed forwards anyway. My friend Marion carried me along one side of the field, then insisted that I carried her.

3 April 2000

My family and I were living in Cornwall, but we had to be evacuated to a town a short distance away within a couple of days. I was trying to work out whether we were living in World War 2 or not, but decided against it because we had a lot of video machines. Dad packed all his stuff into boxes, but didn't leave any for me, and my brother Noj and Mum were more interested in hill-walking.

4 April 2000

Me and Marion (who was bulimic) went to stay in a hotel on the south coast of England for a week. Not far from the shore were seven small islands: we planned to visit one each day.

I was at a bowling alley and trying to get Alice, Katie, Helen Wo (girls in my former school year) and an (existing but unknown) online journaller called Mary to finish their game prematurely but they refused. My friend Chris was there as well, and I was looking for an excuse to hit him over the head with a rolled up poster.

5 April 2000

I was in the technical department at work, desperately trying to sleep, but I kept being given jobs to do.

I had to give a seminar about vampires to a few people in an unfamiliar location, but beforehand, my brother Noj and I tested out my props in the next room. None of them seemed to work and I suddenly realised I'd given the same seminar months earlier.

I went to a technology block in Cambridge with various friends, including Smill, who kept rambling about offices. They wanted to sign up for courses at Cambridge, but they weren't allowed to.

A boy in my year at school asked me earnestly about the quantity of milk-based products I ate in a year.

6 April 2000

I took a Monday and Tuesday off work in order to spend a long weekend in Cambridge with my friend Marion. We abandoned eating and sleeping and all other practises that belong to the normal order of the universe in order to go to lectures as often as possible, watch TV and chase my online friend Julian around. We got to talk to him on a few occasions, but he was always rushing off somewhere else. I was most puzzled by a booklet entitled "The Cambridge Guide To Julian" in which, among other things, he claimed he was dead.

All was good until Marion phoned my parents. It was then that I realised it was 9pm on Tuesday and they'd want me to come home, in order to work the following day. I was so afraid of this prospect that I woke up, only to realise I faced the same dilemma.

8 April 2000

I was writing a letter to a former penpal of mine, etching the words on sheets of chocolate. I was worried it would be illegible, but when I held it up to the light, it could be read. But after the first page, I suddenly thought, "Won't the chocolate melt in transit?" I went to consult my mother, but on the way, the sheet of cracked and the bits that fell on the floor disappeared.

My bedroom was really big. It had polished wooden floorboards and there was a computer desk in the middle. While using the computer, both the monitor plug and one of the icons on the screen started emitting smoke. I ran to the living room to tell Dad. My grandmother was there, but he came to help me straight away.

A load of builders came into my room. They took down my clock and put up two new ones and built a load of toilets cubicles around the edge. "This way you'll be able to have parties," Dad explained, but I wondered why I'd want to have parties in my room.

I had just started university, but my parents kept following me around. I went to breakfast and asked for two slices of toast and a glass of grape juice, and sat down beside a boy named Arthur.

9 April 2000

I was in at Hogwarts (of "Harry Potter" fame). I owned rings that represented "The Temple Of Doom" and "Raiders Of The Lost Ark" and I had to find one to symbolise "The Last Crusade" in order to give me eternal life.

I was in a computer game with my parents, brother and grandparents where you had to drive through a town and throw koosh balls through a basketball hoop, before a shower of red liquid enveloped us all and teleported us to the next level. This didn't work the first four times we tried it; then we noticed Dad hadn't thrown his ball through the hoop. He did this, but there wasn't enough red liquid left by then, so the game ended. We got onto the high score table though.

I was working part time for a telephone company and had a part in television program "One Foot In The Grave" as "quiet girl who eats Smarties a lot", since it was filmed at the house of a non-existent aunt of mine.

10 April 2000

I had been living in America with my family since 7th September 1999, but I hadn't really acknowledged it: I didn't know what county or state I lived in. Mum told me and they had strange Germanic sounding names. I lived in the same town as my online friend Katie, and online friend Greg and myself were chatting online and she would join us.

I was in a computer game set in a comprehensive school in the early 80s, accompanied by a girl who was about my age. It was very hard to get anywhere, since a traffic warden, an aevil librarian and a lift shaft kept thwarting our efforts, but eventually we found ourselves in the library sorting out magazines. Oh, and Margaret Thatcher wanted to introduce a fee of £600 if you wanted to take an O Level (what was then a public exam) along with equally drastic measures.

April 2000

I was reading my guestbook. I had a new signature from Andy and two from people who'd found my name through diarist.net. (Oh dear, I'm so obsessed with my guestbook I'm dreaming about it.)

18 April 2000

It was October 2000 and I had started at Churchill College once again, this time doing Film Studies. I arrived two days after term commenced and was driven into the staircase 5 laundrette by a girl in a red estate car. There was only one other person there at first, but gradually it filled up with people, many of whom who wanted to talk to me.

The washing machines refused to accept money and instead spit out pound coins. However, eventually I got one to function and left with a fellow first year who was doing Telephone Studies.

Marion was also there studying Natural Sciences and I went to her room. It seemed a long distance from the main body of the college; then my parents showed me my room, which was an hour's drive away and at the bottom of a cliff.

19 April 2000

I was looking at online friend Helen's guestbook. All the entries were in rows of three.

I was in the bathroom at Omega Music drinking water from the kettle until it was empty. Later, I overheard two of the AWCSL company directors concluding that it wasn't a good enough usage of time or money for the employees to drink so much tea and coffee, so I explained what I'd done.

I walked with a lot of people from my year at school and a few religious folk from Brampton (town where I live) to Naworth Castle (my old home), to have a party. When we arrived, Katie started shooting people with a bazooka unless they gave her money. As Marion paid her thirty pounds, she asked, "Can't we use fake money?" and Katie agreed.

"Right, who'll pay me next?" she demanded, and three of us volunteered at once. "You'll do," she told me. "Thirty pounds." However, when I eventually found my wallet in the pit of junk that is my back pack, I didn't have any money, real or fake, so I tried to give her some Boots and W H Smith gift vouchers instead.

While I awaited my fate, I noticed everyone else taking off in a minibus. I clung to the back as it trundled up the drive, but it was a long time before I could convince anyone to open the door and let me in.

25 April 2000

I got a phonecall from someone at work telling me five of my numbers had come up in the lottery. We'd only get about a hundred pounds each, though, so I lost interest (not unlike my unclaimed winnings).

I was in the centre of Carlisle and it was A Level results day. It was 11am and I still hadn't collected my results. I saw Michael, who was in my year at school, who said, "Awright?" "What did you get?" I asked, and he showed me the slip of paper bearing his results. He appeared to have taken seventeen A Levels, and between them, amassed twenty six points (not too good: an E gives you two points [on your driving licence, if you're caught while under the influence]). When I asked if it was enough to go to university, he didn't give a straight-forward answer.

Still in the middle of Carlisle, it was now December 98 (although a summer day) and my friends Chris and Roe and myself had to take a Maths exam, in our own time and unsupervised. I'd done no revision, but looking at the paper, I realised it was the same one as we'd had in December 97, and all the topics were simple. But as I started work on it, I kept making mistakes and having to cross things out.

26 April 2000

It was the end of December and a lot of people from my former school year and then some were spending a few days at a rearranged version of my house. Most people slept the entire time. We were planning to go to Buskers nightclub for New Year, but we weren't too enthusiastic about the prospect. Since I only owned black clothes, I thought I should make my appearance more colourful in celebration, so I decided to dye my hair four neon colours. I woke people up to ask if they had any dye, but they didn't.

Chris and (his brother) Tim were insulting me a lot. I was to take my driving test, and they thought I'd fail, but I didn't. However, the next day I travelled to Carlisle by bus. I was looking for hair dye, but I didn't find any, got totally lost, and was late for work.

27 April 2000

Will, Roe and Chris spent the night at my house, which was by the seaside. We went to the beach and swam in the sea. At 7am, Dad got in a private aeroplane to take him to play tennis at a country club. Again and again, he told me that no one should find out about this practice.

A few days later, we had run out of orange squash, so I asked Mum when we were next going to Tesco. "This afternoon," she told me. "Can't we go in the morning?" I asked. "Why, have you run out of reading material?" (?) I said yes, so the whole family travelled to Carlisle.

While the others did the shopping, I sat in a building in the town centre with a lot of old women who complaining about the lack of maps available. The rest of my family met me there and we went to Ottakers bookshop. While I looked for a children's book I wanted (which I couldn't find, since the children's fiction section had been replaced by children's reference), Mum tried to adopt five kids over the counter, but they could only give her two.

The first was an Indian girl of a few months named Emily Michelle (I have not been reading Babysitters Club books recently, beep it!) While I held her in my arms, Mum read ten pages of a book about her. Then she turned her attention to the other child, a boy of two-and-a-half named Christopher. (#%*£!) According to the book, he had an irregular heartbeat, averaging at 82 beats per minute instead of the usual 88. Apparently this meant in later life he'd have problems with calendars, alcohol and women. As an example of the anger he'd feel towards calendars it said, "Why the **** is this calendar shaped like that?"

I started laughing and woke up to find myself hugging a werebear.

28 April 2000

It was a Saturday morning, and I was at school, having lessons. At eleven o'clock, however, a horse race started. It involved fifteen laps of a course, part of which was the A69 (major road from Newcastle to Carlisle that passes through the town where I live). I wasn't participating, but a lot of people fell off their horses, and when one girl did, as she was encouraged to get back on, I was told to get on another horse and join in.

As I came to the end of the race, a teenage boy who had long blonde hair and was wearing a checked shirt and black jeans emerged from a bush by the roadside and said, "Don't tell anyone I'm here." I agreed not to.

When I finished, I was handed a decorated tea towel. On it, it said that I'd come sixth, but had been disqualified for travelling round the course the wrong way. Everyone, including the boy (who now had shorter hair, had taken off his shirt and pulled his jeans up to his neck) who had emerged, found this most unfair.

My online friend Helen was going to give me a lift home, but my mother was present, so there was no need. She wanted my help loading a lot of shopping into a tall thin box. There were two bottles of orange squash that had lost their tops, but I sealed the shut using sponges I found in the school basement.

I was staying in a house in America with my family. Although it was supposed to be the 1920s, two bands played outside the house, who sounded like Rush and Duran Duran in their pantser years. I was keeping a written record of what happened, so when my brother Noj commented that one of the guitar solos was quite good, I made a note of it. When I transcribed my words onto the computer later, I misread my words as, "Noj thought one of the guitar solos was b*****ks."

Helen, Will and myself took a train to the north of the country. It was decorated with graffiti that was supposed to be funny, but we weren't at all amused.

29 April 2000

I was in the office at work, working on the layout for a website. But, as a computer does, the dream kept freezing for a few seconds. I was so scared I'd get frozen there eternally that I woke up, hot and nauseous at 3am, with Weird Al's version of "American Pie" stuck in my head.

Two and a half hours later, I fell back asleep again. I was travelling around a strange town with my mother, visiting bouncy castles and houses. In one house I found a roll of toilet paper that had gossip about the people in my year written on it, spanning from 3-25 May 1999. Up until the 22nd, the messages were all trivial two-line observations, written in Smill's fountain-penned handwriting, but on the 24th (post Infamous Leaver's Dinner) there was a long message with illustrations by someone else. I got the gist of it, but before I could read it properly, my mother appeared, so I ripped that bit off the roll to read later.

We then travelled to Dad's ex-wife's house, which had sunk into the ground so that only two feet of the front door were visible.

4 May 2000

I was a magical human scanner. If I looked at certain pictures, I would hear them playing music, and by focussing on them, I could scan them into a computer, which had healing effects on all in the vicinity. My co-workers thought this ability was amazing, and one told me to scan a picture of a dolphin to cure her son's disability. But I couldn't hear any music, and the picture was muddled.

A dog from an 80s cartoon came to life and rampaged throughout a house. My friend Smill and I argued about which cartoon it was in.

5 May 2000

Two girls in my year at Primary school, my friend Chris, some unknown bloke and myself won a night out in Glasgow. I was allowed to leave work two hours early, but when we arrived, we had to do geographical exercises and scientific experiments before we were allowed to partay. I had to construct a rocket in a field.

6 May 2000

My god sister had been pregnant three times. On the first two occasions, she'd had abortions, but this time she was going through with the birth. Her sister and I were in the hospital with her. However, the baby was born as a squidgy black hair tie. Her parents took us home, and she acted as if she wasn't too bothered, but a couple of minutes later, she died.

There were tennis courts at school where the gym was, and my friends Roe and Marion and I went to play on them. Roe claimed to be really good, Marion and I were out of practise, and a Iot of people kept joining in with the game. I provided everyone with a tennis racquet, but when someone tried to set up a bouncy castle on the courts, I couldn't get all the racquets back.

I was in an attic room, which was Kidmud. I discovered that the TYWC member J. Lu was actually the founder of Kidmud and the mother of two other TYWC members. Part of her story involved a German man, who'd gone to America to fight on their side in WW2, studied at Edinburgh University afterwards, then returned to an island off America where he'd made a mint.

There were three teenage boys in the attic, and when we decided to leave KidMud, we had to write the name of who we considered to be the best mudder on a ping pong ball before dropping it into a machine. Since I didn't know their names, I asked them. "I'm DeadKnight," one boy said.

"I remember you!" I exclaimed "You were on 'Gary And Liz'! In 1997."

"Oh, right, I remember you. What was your name?"

"Zobocop," I said.

"Yes, I remember you!" he said again.

I was on the way to Kent with my family, but half way there we'd stopped to stay in a house that looked remarkably like ours. We were planning to stay there for quite a while, and for some reason it was in a village in Scotland. I told Dad I needed to register with a doctor, so, even though it was ten pm and I was wearing my turquoise dressing gown (over black trousers and a black top), we tried to find one. Getting anywhere involved climbing over hedges, and eventually, I found myself back in my room.

I went down to the living room. Throughout the dream, I'd been hearing about this new TV programme which just went "la apple la apple la apple la dur banana dur banana dur banana dur etc" for twenty minutes. I'd wanted to see it, just for a laugh, but the clock revealed that I'd missed it.

There was a jigsaw on the coffee table, My brother Noj was asleep on the sofa and Mum was stirring a cup of icing. "He fell asleep after his icing," she explained. Then she said it louder, so he'd wake up. "And look at all this." She showed me the cup.

It did indeed runneth over with the lovely sticky stuff of my dreams, and naturally I was yojful, but there seemed to be a large quantity of water compared to sugar. I queried her about this, but she said, "You need a lot of water."

I took Noj aside and asked him why he thought the openings to Alice Cooper's "School's Out" and Motorhead's "Jailbait" were so similar. "Because Alice Cooper went to see Motorhead," he said. "But Alice Cooper came before Motorhead," I argued, and he went to check my CDs for proof of this. When he returned, satisfied, he started telling Dad about this situation.

I was in a school musical, "The Boyfriend". It was set in a chapel, only the aisle was a bus. The people on the bus weren't on stage and spent their time playing board games. My cousin was the victor of one.

I was standing in the transept. Most of Act 2 appeared to be a game involving a basketball, and if I stood in the wrong place, people on my team would start playing for the opposite side. Then horrific ghosts started to attack the various cast members, including me.

When Act 3 started, a couple of girls stepped down from the bus, carrying blocks of candles, most of which were unlit. Someone announced that they all had to be unlit, so the girls tried to put the last few out using match sticks. Then everyone crushed together for the grand finale.

I travelled home with my mother, brother, a boy in my year at school, and a few other boys I'd known during my childhood. My uncle had given us two carrier bags filled with "gubbage" with I was given the task of dividing up. Nobody wanted the contents of one bag, but everyone wanted the sweets that were in the second.

7 May 2000

It was Christmas time and I was in New Zealand. There were cricket players everywhere. My online friend Flink was taking part in a motor race which had many laps, each of which was twenty two miles long. In the first lap, she came second, then took a break.

9 May 2000

It was 10.15pm and Mum and I were waiting for some toast to pop out of the toaster and for "Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?" to come on television, but neither was happening.

11 May 2000

I was in a room near the Great Hall of Naworth Castle (my old home) / the Dacre Hall of Lanercost Priory (a nearby church), in a children's story. Goods were thrown to children, and they had to try and keep hold of them all. Other children were encouraged to steal from them in at all possible, but they didn't try very hard. It turned into a hell, and we were all sent to bed, but the adults present continued the story.

Alice, a girl in my school year, had set up a website and there was loads of stuff on it.

I was walking to Naworth Castle from the other side of Brampton in the rain. It didn't take as long as I'd expected.

At 6pm I had to set off to school for a carol concert at 6.30. My class walked there together. Natalie kicked a first year for singing an annoying song, which we found amusing. After the concert, people were to go to The Turf (a pub) and Buskers (a nightclub). I tried to find out who was going. Marion and Smill were nowhere to be soon, Will protested that he'd just been to Buskers for a Christmas party with people he knew at work, but didn't want to go again, and I was too scared to ask Chris (blarg!)

15 May 2000

I was lying on a floor and saw a L. M. Montgomery book on a high shelf. It was about her journals kept between 1961 and 1989 and the Internet as it was in 1989.

I was doing a Chemistry experiment. The other people doing it kept fighting. They didn't bother me, but I was scared.

I was reading a book about a girl on a train who was boiling to death.

17 May 2000

I was at Kent University and really lost. I was in a large two storied building with a lot of people, trying to find a talk about Film, but I ended up in a Computer Science talk.

I was standing on the school drive (still at Kent, though) waiting for my parents to arrive. Eventually, I realised they were already on the drive, just out of my line of vision.

22 May 2000

A girl in a service station found "Populous II" for £6.99 and "Populous" for £10.99.

25 May 2000

Will's mother was giving Will, Roe and myself a lift home from Carlisle. She drove to a supermarket beyond Brampton that resembled a school. She wanted to go to the frozen food section which was in a building two fields away. She went berserk, saying she didn't have time for this! She started running across the fields. I followed her, but struggled to keep up.

26 May 2000

I was trying to flush a stuffed monkey down the toilet. This was a forbidden practice and I wasn't having any success and eventually Noj came in and rescued it.

All the swans were arguing and my coworkers joined in. I woke up, even though it was an hour before I needed to get up and I'd only been asleep for five hours.

27 May 2000

I went to Belgium to go to a concert. Mum helped me to catch a train to get to the right town, which was a port. My online friends Twi and Sae and some other girl were in the same town, staying at a hotel only a few streets away from mine, but they were going to a different concert.

28 May 2000

I was at Aberystwyth University for an experimental day there. There was a party going on, but most people there ignored me. Three girls tolerated my presence, but even they were somewhat stand-offish. One of them was nicer than the other two and one of the others was doing a writing course. I reminded myself that it didn't matter since I wasn't going to Aberystwyth anyway.

In an alcove-sized hallway, there were slim ring binders containing pages telling us where we had to sleep that night. It took me ages to find my name, but eventually I encountered my first name and middle name reversed. It told me I was on staircase 1*6-1.

29 May 2000

There was a lesson going on in the school refs, only they looked more like the café at Asda. More and more people kept arriving and there were no seats left so they had to stand. I was sitting, though.

I was in room 9 at school and a cross country competition was about to start. I was to take part, and when a lot of people gravitated to the back of the room, Marion or Smill told me that the race was about to start, so I walked that way. The other people set off before I could, but I ran down the stairs faster than them, pushing past those who got in my way. I ran all the way round the course, feeling no loss of energy at all, but wondered how many laps I had to complete. I got a bit lost towards the end of the second lap but asked someone for directions. When I crossed the finishing line, informed that I only had to run two laps, people were surprised to see me. I came sixth and the next competitor was miles behind me.

As I crossed the playground on the way back to school, I saw Chris, who hadn't been participating. We went into the downstairs boys toilets which turned into a cybercafe, which started filling up with girls. I chatted online on ICQ to Roe and the old Michael Morris, as found in The Class Of 99 project.

I was on top of a large tall building that resembled a ship with a computer. I had an e-mail from Elphaba, saying that if I paid her $5, she'd plug my website in her journal, although she would prefer it if I used my full name and had a more official copyright notice. I decided it wasn't worthwhile.

I was onboard an aeroplane with a lot of people, involved in a quiz show. I answered a few questions, then people started yelling, "Ask her one about Mussolini!" The question master did just that and people started cheering so loud I couldn't hear the question. "Could you repeat that?" I asked and the plane fell silent. The question was, "Who did something or other?" I didn't know the answer, but said "Mussolini" which was right.