The bank manager is in a powerful position. This besuited person has control of all your money - and thus your life. S/he is fully aware of this power, and that you are scared, thus bank managers take a sadistic pleasure in playing with you. Well, until now! We, the weird sisters, have found out the most effective way of dealing with these people is to scare them. That means that they will come to dread you visits and accede to your demands to get rid of you. The methods of frightening the bank manager are many and varied. B suggested presenting him/her with the severed head of your boyfriend. This could be good if it was also the bank manager's boyfriend. However there are several problems with this.

1) It does not work if you are a straight man, a lesbian, married person (unless you want your spouse to know about it!) or a celibate.
2) It lacks subtlety! You want to do the thing in style!
3) There is a real risk that after you leave the bank manager will call the police and you will end up in gaol with no means of honing your scaring skills. (Especially if it was the bank manager's boyfriend.)
4) If it is the bank manager's boyfriend too then you will have to stalk the bank manager which, let's face it, is not something anyone wants to do.

No! The best way to scare you bank manager, which will leave you with money and liberty and their permanent dread is to BE YOURSELF!!!!!

Think about it, you go to the bank dressed smartly and on your best behaviour. But bank managers, like bears, can smell fear a mile off and they will use it against you. Well, if you act as you usually do they will get confused and scared, for none of the frightening methods in which they were trained apply for people acting themselves. Here are some good techniques which we have tried and tested and found most efficacious.

1) Complain to your friend that she has a much prettier debit card than you do.

2) The friend offers to swap debit cards and accounts so her friend will not be aesthetically disappointed any longer!

3) If the bank manager offers you a chequebook with pretty pictures of birdies and bunnies you say 'YES' with enthusiasm. I suspect if you jumped up and down with glee the effect would be even better.

4) Finally, when s/he is worn down, make it quite clear that you could have gone to another bank but theirs was the one. Never let them forget they might have escaped this and had peace of mind for the rest of their days but for a quirk of fate and this will remind them that they do not in fact control destiny as they once thought. That will scare them!

So there you have it. Other suggestions include - clothing. Zed was wearing her leather garb and I'm sure if I had worn my rainbow jumper the combined effect might have been staggering!

Disclaimer: These methods are copyright us and if you don't tell us you've used them we will send a robobankmanager who is made of metal and quite unfrightenable to get you.