Note: This was written in December 2000 when En was in a fit of jealousy and still angry about rejection from a Certain Someone. If you recognise yourselves as the couple described in this poem, En: 1. apologises for the insults (especially to the girl involved), 2. doesn't really wish any harm to come to you both and 3. genuinely thinks that you two seem to make a great couple. [Have fun with the handcuffs! - (z)Ed] We just thought we'd upload this because, admittedly, some parts are quite funny. Besides, it served a therapeutic purpose.


At first I was afraid - I was petrified
At thinking you'd go for a fish that really should be fried
From her head down to her toes
How she got you, heaven knows
'Cos she ain't a flippin' drip - she's a bloody garden hose!

I can't believe, your lack of taste
Of your body, I am tempted to say "What a waste"
You could've taken me instead
And had fun in my comfy bed
But now you're putting up with her - what has got into your head?

So here's me, somebody new
I was that angel that just really really wanted you
Although I ain't a practised whore
I think I'd give you so much more
Of whatever you might want - at least I'm not a f**king bore.

But you want her - what are you on?
Have you drunk so much mouthwash that your brain has gone?
Although she might look the part, you know she's just a stupid tart
She'll turn you into Homer Simpson
Don't you want to stay like Bart?

So now I feel, like total shit
Right now it's you that I must say I really want to hit
With a deadly concrete brick
You really are a total prick
And now I think I'm on the verge of being sickeningly sick

But I don't mind, I really I don't
You think in time I will, but honey I sure as hell won't
Yes you can go out with a fish
If that is really what you wish
But you'll have to look at me with a smart & gorgeous dish

SHOOT THE FISH!