A parody of I Touch Myself by The Divinyls.

I love my shelf I want it to love me
When I feel down I want it above me
I sit on my shelf I don't want you to find me
If I forget my shelf I want you to remind me

I don't hate anybody else
When I think about you I touch my shelf
Ooh I don't hate anybody else
Sod off, get lost, you geen!

You're the one who makes me go running
Madly screaming "Crucify!"
When you're around I always laugh at you
I wanna make you cry

If I opened my eyes and saw you before me
I think I would die - you must know you bore me
A fool could see just how much I abhor you
I'd get down on my knees and painfully gnaw you

I don't hate anybody else
When I think about you I touch my shelf
Ooh I don't hate anybody else
Oh no, not you, again!

I love my shelf I want it to love me
When I feel down I want it above me
I sit on my shelf I don't want you to find me
If I forget my shelf I want you to remind me

I don't hate anybody else
When I think about you I touch my shelf
Ooh I don't hate anybody else
I'm nice, you're not, fuck off!

I hate you I don't hate anybody else
And when I think about you I touch my shelf
Argh, urgh, urrrrrrrrgh, heurgh!

I don't hate anybody else
When I think about you I touch my shelf
Ooh I don't hate anybody else
When I think about you I touch my shelf
I touch my shelf etc It feels better than you
I touch my shelf etc