I am not human. I was not even born on this planet. I'm a native of a small planet near Zeta Beta Zetticuli Quog Googleplex, a star only visible with the aid of a telescope from Guam. I was created in an artificial womb with many others like me, with some human DNA in my genetic make up so that I would look the part (I was created to spy on the people of earth and discover their secrets which the people of my planet thought they had).

Unfortunately, as they're all rather thick on my planet, I did not land among humans but my craft landed among the last remaining wild cat colony in west Suffolk. My alien parents monitored me for a while, but as they got nothing from me, except the word "Miaow" they cut me off, as I was no use to them.

I was discovered when I was five. The authorities placed me among human parents with children and by miracle of nature my features and body morphed so they resembled those of the humans among which I'd been placed.

MI5 showed me my craft when I was about sixteen and I learned my story, but as I was totally useless and couldn't remember anything they had to let me go. I have no wish to go back to Zeta Beta Zetticuli. They seem so thick anyway, I don't want to, and I rather like Earth.

[Yeah, me too, it's yummy! - (z)Ed (worm in a former life).]