As you might have gathered from the above text, Sushi not just raw fish, but a religion / world take over plan. Interested? Read on. Not interested? Read on anyway. Hours of fun guaranteed reading and re-reading what I have to say about Sushi!

Who invented Sushi?

Sushi, mad as it is, I must admit, is not actually my own creation. It was invented by a penfriend of mine, Sarah, who lives in Essex, which is in the south of England, who has not written to me for many years. Sniffle. Last time I heard from her, she didn't have the Internet, so I made this, the official Sushi website, on her behalf.

Why join Sushi?

If you are a member, when we take over the world, you can have the country or island of your choice. Providing it hasn't already been taken, and even then, you might be able to persuade other owners into sharing. Great, eh?

If you don't join Sushi, after our world takeover, you will be banished to the south pole in winter in only a bikini, whether you are male or female, and in summer, to the Sahara Desert in a fixed coat which you cannot remove. You have been warned . . .

Are there any rules?

A few, yes. The name 'Tim' is equivalent to 'Satan', so if you are called Tim and wish to join, you will have to change your name. You aren't allowed to marry anyone named Tim either. The name 'Ernie' means 'Satan's brother' and the name 'Smillurrr' means 'Satan's Wife' and therefore, they are equally forbidden. If your first name is Helen and your surname is Back or Mucus, you are advised to change it, although it is up to you. The name Bob, however, is highly loved and worshipped.

Are there any Gods?

There are three official ones so far.

The first is The Famous Mawaki, the indescribable capulated (?) crab. When you pray to him, use the Mawaki anthem, which goes to the tune of "God Save Our Queen" or "My Country, tis of Thee". It was written by Meaghan.

The second is Mykos The Sheep, everyone's favourite, who sits in the sky and guides us in all that we say and do. When we pray to him, we sing The Anthem Of Sheep, to the tune of "Oh When The Saints".

The third is God Damnit, which must be pronounced in a tacky American accent. Not that I have anything against tacky Americans. No one is sure what creature it is.

Sqelchacattle, God of Paperclips, invented noticed by Roe, is a somewhat illegal God, since he does not have the right honorable Sarah's permission to exist. But pray to him anyway.

We also have two saints: Saint Robert and Saint Robert. (Robert Cormier, writer of young adult books, and Robert Smith, singer in The Cure.) Robert Smith isn't dead yet, but he claims to be quite old and maybe someday he will die, so pray to him in advance, preferably for rain.

How Do I Join?

Firstly, you should consider, do I have a Sushi-esque personality? This means you must be slightly mad, mad, very mad, extremely mad, completely mad, totally and utterly mad, divinely mad, absolutely mad, the maddest person in the universe ever, or very very tolerant.

It matters not if you belong to another religion already. You can belong to both, without having to endure the wrath of slipper-throwing table napkins. Or something.

There is an initiation rite, but it is not entirely complicated. Mostly it depends on being able to read, knowing your left from your right, being able to speak, and knowing someone. You must raise your right hand, bow your head and say, "Sushi. Don't cook your fish." Perform this in front of a witness and wahey! You are a follower of Sushi!