(Some of the lyrics in the Sorting Hat's song were been stolen and modified from "Hot Dog" by Limp Bizkit.)

Fred and George watched as Professor Flitwick put down a four-legged stool in front of the line of first years and placed the Sorting Hat upon it. "This should be good," Fred said.

"Why?" Lee Jordan asked.

George grinned. "Last year, we thought it would be a fair bet that Ginny would be the last person to wear the Sorting Hat, since her name comes so late in the alphabet. Ron wasn't, but how many people have a surname starting with X, Y or Z? Anyway, Dad had got hold of this Muggle radio and made it a lot smaller."

"We nicked it," Fred continued. "He was really confused and spent weeks looking for it. Anyway, we stuck it to Ginny's head while she was asleep the night before she first came here. It was so light she couldn't feel it. But on the other side of it, we put some even stronger glue, so that when she put on the Sorting Hat, it would stick to that, and, as it did, switch itself on. Not loud enough for Dumbledore to hear while it was in his office, but the hat would be able to hear it all."

"Why?" Lee asked.

"Well, you know how it sings a different song every year? We thought that if it listened to Muggle radio, it might-"

Dumbledore cleared his throat loudly and everyone fell silent.

"This year's song is going to be a bit different from those you may have heard in previous years," he announced. "Only today did I realise that for the last year, the Sorting Hat has had a small switched-on Muggle radio glued inside it, which rather influenced its creative process. Once I heard the song, I asked it to change it, but it was too late. Oh well, take it away, Sorting Hat."

It sang:

"Hey homies! I'm da Sortin' Cap!
I'm gonna sort chu into houses when I's finished my rap.
Don't look at me like I'm some kinda fool
Cause I'll put you place cause this is Hogwarts school.
A long time ago, there was some wizards and witches
Who magicked this trippin' hat to sort out yo-"

At this point, Dumbledore coughed very loudly to obscure the next word.

"Godric, Rowena, Helga and Salazar
Be making me tell you exactly what chu are.
It's a-"

The Sorting Hat hesitated. Dumbledore shook his head.

"-flipped up world and a flipped up place
But chu ain't gonna be judged by your flipped up face.
I'm gonna wrap around round yo head, I'm gonna get inside
And see all yo flipped up secrets, access can't be denied.
If you think you wicked cool and you think you really brave,
I'll put chu into Gryffindor if you behave.
But if you want to sin, and you always have ta win,
Baby, you're goin' in Slytherin.
If you think you really smart, and you can't learn enough,
I'll put chu into Ravenclaw, if you know your stuff.
But if you're some kinda duff and you ain't very tough,
Buddy, I'm puttin' you in Hufflepuff.
So check me out, put me on, try me for size.
Hear what I say, cause I won't tell you no lies.
So don't just stand there like you're some kinda foo.
Get yo asses over here and let me do what I do."

There was a moment of silence and then everyone broke into applause.

Except the first years, who looked absolutely terrified.