Once upon a time there was a moose called Malcolm. However, he wasn't a normal moose, because when the moon was full he turned into Malcolm the Magic Moose! And when he was being Malcolm the Magic Moose he had the power to do anything he wanted.

He hadn't always been Malcolm the Magic Moose. Until he was five, he had been Malcolm the ordinary Moose. But on his fifth birthday, he had received a letter from the Evyl Wyzard Gurgle, inviting him to tea. Malcolm quite liked having tea, so he had gone to the Evyl Wyzard's castle.

Gurgle was, in fact, not an Evyl Wyzard at all, just a lonely old man who wrote poetry. He wasn't even called Gurgle. But that was his pseudonym : The Evyl Wyzard Gurgle. His really name was Bob Brown, and if he had signed his letter 'Bob Brown' Malcolm wouldn't have known who he was.

Anyway, when Malcolm arrived at The Evyl Wyzard Gurgle's castle, The Evyl Wyzard said, "How would you like the power to do anything you wanted when the moon was full?" Naturally Malcolm had said, "Oh Evyl Wyzard, I would like that very much indeed." So, using his amateur magic power, the Evyl Wyzard gave Malcolm the power to become Malcolm the Magic Moose every time there was a full moon.

Now Malcolm was a good moose, so every time he became Malcolm the Magic Moose he would do really good stuff, like magicking loads of money and posting it to third world countries. Unfortunately, the evil mailman noticed all the money in the envelopes and kept it for himself.

Malcolm the Magic Moose began to become suspicious. He had enclosed stamped addressed envelopes so that when the poor people received the money they could write back, thanking him. But he hadn't received any replies at all. At first he assumed that everyone in economically less developed countries was illiterate, but they couldn't ALL be illiterate. Then he reasoned that they didn't have anything to write with, but SOMEONE must have a pen or pencil.

So the next time there was a full moon, he magicked some money and put it in an envelope, addressed to Ethiopia. He put it in the post box and waited for someone to collect the envelope. Eventually, the evil mailman did. He sifted through the letters until he found Malcolm's. He opened it and stuffed all the money into his pocket with an wicked cackle.

"Hey!" exclaimed Malcolm the Moose. (The sun had come up, so he was no longer Malcolm the Magic Moose.) "That money's supposed to be going to poor countries! You're not supposed to be taking it!"

"Tough!" said the evil mailman. And before Malcolm the Moose could stop him, he got in his van and drove away. Malcolm could only stand back and watch.

But he had a plan. Next time there was a full moon, instead of magicking some money, he made the evil mailman's house explode.

But the evil mailman wasn't at home! He was out delivering mail. Since he was evil, he was delivering it to all the wrong people, but at least he was delivering it.

When he got home, he saw that his house was well and truly exploded. "Oh no!" he said. "I must have upset that Malcolm the Magic Moose geezer. I won't mess with magical people and meese (plural of moose) in the future. I will steal money from non- magic people and meese instead."

So the evil mailman looked through all the other mail he delivered, but he couldn't find anyone else sending large amounts of money. Oh well, thought the evil mailman. I'll just have to report Malcolm the Magic Moose to the police instead, for making my house explode. Then he'll be put in jail. Heh heh heh!

But when the evil mailman told the police, they just laughed. "Malcolm the Magical Moose? He wouldn't do anything bad! He's just won the Nobel Peace Prize."

"Grr," thought the evil mailman. He turned his attention to drug dealing until he had enough money to buy a new house and a computer. Then he spent the rest of his days creating computer viruses that never worked and playing Asteroids.

Meanwhile, Malcolm the Magic Moose won the Nobel Peace Prize four times. He began to get a bit bored of winning it, and he remembered what fun he'd had when he made the evil mailman's house explode.

So he decided to start doing more bad stuff. He made another building explode. He didn't even know who was inside at the time, he just wanted to see what he could do.

Unfortunately, Saddam Hussein was inside the building that exploded. So Malcolm the Magical Moose won the Nobel Peace Prize again!

Next time he created a massive explosion in the sky. It was an attempt to make a really big hole in the ozone layer. Unfortunately, his magic went a little wrong, and instead it destroyed a huge asteroid heading towards earth instead. He was, of course, awarded the Nobel Peace Prize again.

He had one last idea : making the moon explode. It was certain to annoy astronomers everywhere. So he did, and it shattered into billions of pieces.

But destroying the moon meant that there were no more werewolves. Werewolves were becoming an increasing problem...so Malcolm the Magical Moose won the Nobel Peace Prize yet again.

"What can I do next time the moon is full?" he screamed. "Hang on! There is no more moon!"

And so he was never Malcolm the Magical Moose again and he spent the rest of his days playing Solitaire. (Asteroids brought back too many bad memories.)