Some of the events of my dreams are rather disturbing - ultraviolence, incest and bestiality all feature - though I've left out the really icky stuff. But don't blame me - I'm sweet and innocent, really! It's just my subconscious that's sick and twisted!

Most of the people who feature in my dreams are straight and monogamous, despite their behaviour in my dreams. (Some of them have been known to experiment with the same gender, but rarely to the extent that occurs in my dreams; for example, I've kissed a few girls, but I wouldn't dream of sleeping with one - except I have!) The only exceptions that spring to mind are Flink and Steph, who are lesbian, and Chris, who's polyamorous.

Also, I've only actually fancied three people in my entire life (Bloke I Fancied When I Was Thirteen ('94-'96), Chris ('97-'00) and Bryn ('00 to present day). Ok, so I've had crushes on other people, but they never preoccupied my thoughts to the same extent, or lasted more than a month, or, indeed, gave me dodgy dreams about the person in question at the time of liking.

Further, very few people have any interest in me in reality - least of all my brother . . .