The original lyrics (c) Sandy Wilson can be found here and the accompanying music (which sounds terrible!) can be heard. Any resemblance of the characters in this song to real persons, living or dead, is purely coincidental. Honest guv!


There's this boy that's reached the age of seventeen or thereabouts,
He's got one desire in view
Found this girl he likes and now the time has come to ask her out
And he hopes she'll say yes too.
But she doesn't feel the same
She thinks he's a mong
Smillurrr Thomson is her name
Here's my song...

She'll discuss with him
Takes the bus with him
But she don't want to fuss with him.
That certain thing called the Bagot.
Don't pray for him
Won't slay for him
Just wants to run away from him
That certain thing called the Bagot.

She thinks that he is impossible
Hopes he goes away soon
No amount of idle gossip will
Make her change her tune

Won't whine about
Won't pine about
Because in fact, she's fine without
That certain thing called the Bagot.
She's thought it out
She's fought it out
And now it's time to sort it out
That certain thing called the Bagot.

He thinks that haggis is edible
Can't change his mind about that
Also thinks she is incredible
She thinks he is a prat

She's thought it out
She's fought it out
And now it's time to sort it out
That certain thing called the Bagot.