I was hanging around with Soppygit and Ibid and a bunch of kids in the garden of a large building. We all started singing songs and dancing to them, standing in lines. Then they all embarked on one that I didn't know, so I stood out. I must be too old to know this, I thought, before remembering Ibid was older than me. Then we all started climbing a narrow staircase so as to go on a rollercoaster. When I was part of the way up, those at the top changed their minds and started going down again.

My friends and I did the same, but then a voiceover began. Soppygit, Ibid and Jo were in N Sync and the voiceover spoke of them. "This is 'Soppygit' who sings. This is 'Ibid' who trains the animals. This is 'Zed' who-" I couldn't remember what my own purpose was, but it was nothing special: "who hangs around" or something. "And not with us today is Jo, who gets the pizza."

A bloke who resembles someone I know in real life and myself were in a living room. On TV, Channel 4 was showing a programme about fire safety, where a girl was so busy making cardboard "No Smoking" signs that she didn't realise her cigarette was setting fire to the place. I'd see it before - the whole house burned down - and I hated it. I asked the bloke if I could change the channel, explaining what the programme was. He too had seen it before and liked it, but he consented. On Channel 3, there was an old American film. On Channel 2, "Futurama" was on, but the bloke urged me to switch to Channel 1, where there was a three-hour-long show about mishaps in films.

Bryn appeared in the living room and the bloke asked why I insisted on such faithfulness. Bryn said he noticed a few attractive people. I said, "There's nothing wrong with looking, but I've been in a polygamous relationship and I hated it."

10 October 2001: Why Dream About Myself? Made Up Characters Are Much More Interesting.

An old woman had a doll's house containing models of all her family members: she had children and grandchildren. She described what had happened to them. Most of the stories involved their protagonists taking the wrong paths in life: her daughter had had kids at university, then become involved with another man. Therefore, most of the dolls weren't worth playing with.

I was reading a story in small Times New Roman characters on letter headed paper. There were spaces between the paragraphs. It was about two boys in their late teens travelling by car at night. At two o'clock the driver started to fall asleep for ten-minute intervals. His entire life was taken up by his girlfriend and working at TYWC. The current kerfuffle there was a twelve-year-old girl being dared to kiss someone and her not wanting to.

I woke up, wanting to write the story in question.

11 October 2001: Not THE Fish Dream, But A Fish Dream All The Same

I went to see VNV Nation in the Sands Centre (Carlisle's concert venue) with Bryn and my parents. Bryn and I were in front of the stage while my parents had balcony seats. Dad really liked the music. Before the last song started, Ronan, the singer, said, "This is the last song off our current album."

"Arclight!" I yelled to Dad.

"It's called Flood," Ronan said.

"Isn't it Arclight?" yelled Dad.

"Someone's been f***ing with the set list," Ronan explained. After the concert, I went home, planning to write a journal entry which consisted of the single line, "My Dad likes VNV Nation!" I was also planning to give him their album for Christmas.

My parents had a gold fish bowl on the floor of the edge of a room. There were a few drab brown goldfish-sized fish inside it. They had a lot of other fish which weren't in the bowl. They told me I could put them in the bowl, as long as I put in some more biscuits. The biscuits were in a tray, and looked like digestives. I was tempted to eat them. I didn't move the fish though, as I didn't want to harm them.

(This was possibly the result of watching a documentary the previous night about underwater life. But the creatures in that were anything but drab in appearance.)

I was in a boring documentary about historical Britain.

(Possibly because the previous night Bryn had been polishing his sword.)

12 October 2001: But I Don't Own A Depeche Mode Biography!

I lost my Depeche Mode biography.

15 October 2001: Goodness Gracious, Great Balls Of Fire!

I was in the basement at school, except it had the row of vending machines where the second long row of lockers should have been. One of the chocolate machines was missing its top half.

I went to the toilet there. As I came out, into a little kitchen, as would be found at many places of work, I realised it wasn't the toilet I'd meant to go to. I'd been there before - at one point, I'd gone a lot - but not for a while, and I'd forgotten about it.

I went outside, to wait for the woman who used to give me lifts home to pick me up - she was to do so at five. I had to get past two huge puddles to get to the school drive, but I managed to step around the dry edges.

I looked up and down the drive, but couldn't see either of her cars. Many vehicles whizzed up it, including a public bus being tugged backwards.

Next thing I knew, I was in my parents' landrover; Mum was driving, my brother sitting next to me on the back seat. I remembered the time when I'd walked all the way to school (which only happened in a dream) - I couldn't remember what had compelled me to do that, though.

We were on the road between Brampton and Naworth Castle. Up ahead of us, I saw a car floating in the air above the road. "Uh," I said, and the others noticed it too. It started crashing down towards a field to our left. When it hit the ground, a ball of fire flew up in the air. It started coming towards our vehicle, and I urged Mum to speed up. She accelerated to a dangerously high speed, so that she was swerving onto the other side of the road. I said, "You can slow down now"- I thought we'd miss the turn off to Naworth Castle - but she paid me no heed.

There were cars coming the other way, their drivers slowing down to look at the wreckage. I foresaw a mighty traffic jam. I turned round in my seat, to examine the scene of the crime. More fire balls were emerging from the corpse of the car.

18 October 2001, Dream 1: That Was Quick!

I was in Keynes Bar for about two hours, waiting for a rock society related meeting to begin. Everyone turned up just before it did. Bryn announced, "Firstly, it's Indy Glow on Saturday. Let us know what CDs you can bring. Secondly, ah, the Greek guy isn't here, but he won the competition." He had won a copy of "Dragontown" by Alice Cooper, which Bryn was holding. "Thirdly, there's a concert on locally. Four bands are playing." He listed three bands no one had heard of " . . . and Alice Cooper. No, not really. Well, it might be. That's it. Let's go," he said to me.

I'd been waiting for this meeting for a long time, and we were leaving after a minute. I felt cheated and woke up.

And speaking of cheating, 18 October 2001, Dream 2: My Subconscious Is A Complete Slut

It was 10th August. The next day, Bryn and I were to go to Eurorock for the second time. In the evening, we went to Sainsbury's to buy provisions, which was at the top of the hill my school was on.

On the way back, I thought about my dilemma. A little while ago, I'd had sex with Jo, my housemate. (!) I'd found her lying on my bed, feeling really depressed, and she'd taken my comforting the wrong way. I was pleased with my conquest, but unsure when I should tell Bryn. If I didn't tell him now, it would ruin my Eurorock. If I did tell him, it could well spoil his. In fact, if he dumped me as a result, we wouldn't be going. In the end, I didn't say anything.

The next day was a Sunday and my twentieth birthday. I woke up alone, because Bryn was away for a re-enactment weekend. (Continuity? What's that?) Just before I got up, Soppygit came into my room, which was a lot bigger than it really is, to collect some of her laundry from a frame. She grumbled for a few seconds, then left.

I got up at nine, because I had a lot of stuff to do before leaving. Namely, packing, getting Eurostar tickets and getting Eurorock tickets. I wasn't sure this was going to be possible. (I was also a bit surprised by Eurorock beginning on a Monday.) I went into what looked like the living room at my house, except it served as a kitchen, there were loads of UKC students wandering through it, and it was next door to my room. I made myself some toast and noticed a girl wearing fanciful black clothing: I wondered if she was going to Eurorock too.

Then I returned to my room, and started packing. Ibid joined me and grumbled at length about being left alone with grumpy Soppygit and silent Jo. I thought about suggesting she come to Eurorock with me, but Bryn's tent was barely big enough for two people, never mind three.

I kept leaving my room and coming back in. On one occasion when I entered, there was a birthday card embedded in my computer screen. It was from "Steve and Richard". At the Fresher's Fair, which had been a few weeks ago (what?), I had left with two guys I'd met there. We'd gone to one of their rooms, where we'd made out, but all stopped at the same moment, before it got too weird. I'd got together with Bryn later on that day. (Hmm.) I wondered how they'd found out where I lived, and that today was my birthday.

Later on I got a similar card from "Alex and Ian", which said they thought I had a beautiful body. They (whoever they were) had told me this when I'd first met them; I'd left as soon as they said that.

I'm pretty sure I've had the next part of the dream before. I went to a small, sheltered alley with my mother. (No, this bit has nothing to do with sex! Thank Mykos!) As I entered, a mangy hand emerged from a hole in the wall, presumably belonging to a blind person, begging for change. I got out of its way quickly. The next person in it was also blind, and sat throwing darts at helium balloons. I sat next to him, worried about being hurt by the darts, but he had perfect accuracy. I watched him for ages. A woman pushed passed him, and asked if she might have one of the balloons. The woman assisting the blind bloke, who sat on his other side, said the next person to walk past could. They were presented with a small yellow helium balloon, as was I; the woman fixed it loosely to the collar of my leather jacket. I thought it looked rather silly.

19 October 2001: More Alice Cooper And Sluttiness

Alice Cooper was to play at a small venue in London on 27 October. Bryn and I decided against going, since we were going to see Covenant the next day.

I was walking through a cross between Canterbury and Cambridge, on my way to Safeway's. The high street was a downhill slope. Outside Third Eye 2000 (a punk shop, which was on the wrong side of the road), I debated whether to go in and try on the mesh tops. While I wondered, some bloke started talking to me. I asked him where the castle was (?) and he led me back up the hill to it. Outside, we were about to part company, but we started discussing the gigs and club nights we were going to: he was into the same sort of music as I was. It occurred to me that we were flirting.

Bryn, Nick and I were in a small bedroom. I was sitting on the bed, and Nick started to make out with me. Bryn didn't seem to mind, but after a while said, "Right, I'm going now." "I'll come with you," I said, getting up, and rushing into the next room, which was the Park Wood vending machine room.

("Maybe these dreams are because you want to have Alice Cooper's babies," Bryn suggested.

Has he seen what Alice Cooper does to babies?

When I woke up and went home, I discovered an Alice Cooper postcard had arrived for me.)

21 October 2001: Shields In Fields

It was a Sunday afternoon, and Bryn and I were in a big field. I headed towards a shed at one end of it, to get a shield from it.

Later on, I followed Bryn up a hill, on the way to one of his friends’ houses.

22 October 2001: The Televised Death Of N. Nothing

It was the last day of the autumn term, and I walked up the hill my old school was on, in order to buy a couple of books for my online friend Meaghan. At the top of the hill, I saw Ibid in a car, whizzing past. I reached the bookshop (which doesn’t really exist) and bought the books. They were for children: hardbacked but very cheap: less than £2 each. They looked really good and were apparently available on audio cassette. I tried to find the cassettes, but the shop stocked a very small range of books on tape, and these weren’t among it.

I gave the books to Meaghan in person, in a sitting room with Christmas decorations in it. Meaghan read the first page of each, then insisted one writing the next page of the stories herself. She then gave them to me to continue. I couldn’t think of anything to say, but I began to write. But half way through my page, Meaghan told me that she’d written the next bit, carried away.

I was in a garden, with Bryn, where a barbecue was taking place. There were only about ten people there, but two of them were wearing the same shirt as I was - my white Sex Pistols shirt - one male, one female. "She’s really thin," Bryn said, pointing to the girl, and wandered away. I looked down, and realised I was actually wearing a black t-shirt.

My parents were there, sitting on a sofa. It was surrounded by cardboard boxes, blocking their view of the television, so Dad stood up to watch it. Something interesting appeared to be on. It was the news, declaring that a man in his fifties named N. Nothing (although he was later referred to as Peter) had committed suicide in his own home. In preparation, he had put all the food in his house on the work top. He had a lot of it, and he was shown wrapping kitchen roll round a fish in cling-film.

There was a young mother, who was concerned about her two year old son being attacked by big dogs in their large overgrown garden. It reminded me of "The Tenant Of Wildfell Hall". "I’m not a Limousine," she complained, as she tried to chase one away. Eventually, she got the boy’s father to intervene. He chased the dogs away, but pointed out that the son didn’t mind the dogs, only she did.

7 November 2001: Now It's Bryn Who's Getting Off With Nick!

Soppygit, Bryn, myself and about eighty other UKC students went to "The University Of Kent": a "graduate school" (although there aren't really any in Britain) a short bus ride away from Canterbury. I suspected it was in Ashford, although I put off finding out until we were to leave and I saw the sign at the station. (A railway station. Yes, my dreams are transportationally nonsensical.)

We were there for about a week, over Christmas, while we took exams to see whether we could get in. (I blame "Love Hina", which I'd been watching before I went to bed.) There was also a "Crystal Maze" type of game going on, except the contestants all entered rooms together, there was no time limit, and there was only one game in each area. Ibid was one of the contestants. The Aztec one took place; then there was the futuristic one where you had to kill a vampire. The other contestants handed Ibid objects (that looked like the cloths used to wipe tables) that would help her do this, and she managed it.

I was sitting on a long bench against a wall, next to Bryn, and suddenly remembered that one night last November, we had gone to a huge deserted house filled with secret passages in London. I wondered why we didn't spend the nights there after concerts in London. I asked him, "Why did we go there?"

He answered, "I was taking a lot of drugs at the time."

I wondered if we really had gone to the house, or if it had been a dream I'd had then. I decided to check the e-mails I'd sent my mother at that time, when I got the chance. (When I woke up, I still wasn't sure, but Bryn more or less convinced me it was a dream.)

Nick sat down on Bryn's other side, and they started kissing. I thought, "Whatever"; then they went into a back room behind the wall. A few minutes later I saw Soppygit, who really liked this place, and was planning to come here on an open day in a few months' time. I told her what Bryn was doing.

"Didn't you guys break up?" she asked.

"No, dagnabbit!" I said. (Note: I never say "dagnabbit" in real life.)

"Well, didn't you sleep with Mr Erpen and Father Dave over the weekend?"

"I was joking!"

8 November 2001: Some People Who Clearly Haven't Been Told To "Love Thy Neighbour"

A mother lived with her two daughters. One day, some other people - parents and a daughter, I think - invaded the ploughed fields behind their house, and one of the daughters was killed and buried. They all started living together, but there was a lot of tension, especially when the invading daughter started ploughing fields like the single mother. At the end of the dream, the daughter of the single mother went upstairs to listen to Shampoo.

9 November 2001: Return to Argentina

I went to Argentina with my family. They left me alone at a railway station in the city, where I hung out with my online friend Unlit, whose gender I wasn't sure about. I remembered the dream I'd had a while ago about meeting her in Argentina and told her about it; this was so much more realistic. I wanted to ask her questions like "How old are you?" and "What's your birthday?" but felt too nervous. I was carrying around my mobile phone and one of my werebears (Small Bizz). I accidentally dropped the phone off the side of a tall building. I wasn't unduly bothered, because I'd be getting a new one soon anywhere. Then the werebear befell the same fate, and I was more upset: that couldn't be replaced so easily. (Probably a result of watching the Simpsons episode featuring Bobo shortly before falling asleep.)

I realised I hadn't made arrangements about meeting up with the rest of my family again: now I had no mobile, how would I contact them? Then I realised the mobile was still in my hand. I called Mum, but got a busy signal. I looked behind me, and saw her.

There was a big display where chocolate was sold. It was nearing the end of the day, and there was very little left. I asked for one small packet, and the person owning the stall accused me of being greedy.

I had helped someone write a piece of music - "Filthy Old Man". When Dad saw it, he criticised me for not writing something so good. "Can't you tell it's mostly my work?" I asked. He couldn't. "But I always use this chord progression - A minor, F major, E minor, E major."

I was trying to get across campus to the cinema, and decided to use a short cut. Bryn and I had used it before. However, after travelling down a few roads, I found myself on the other side of central Canterbury to the university. I headed back, wondering why it had never taken this long in the past.

A lot of people I knew had received exam results, including myself. I'd got five 'A's; what surprised me more was that Marion had got 'A's in all her subjects (she was doing about ten), as had Claire (a girl in my lectures). Jo had got three 'A's and two 'B's, but apparently this wasn't good enough for her to proceed to the next stage of her education. I thought this was rather unfair.

12 November 2001: Autumn In New York

It concerned an illicit love affair between a man and a girl. They ended up at the same university in New York, him a lecturer, her a first year student. He wanted to end it, but was too attracted to her. She also wanted to end it, but wanted to hurt him first.

I was writing a story about this. It concerned their first day together at the university and was from his point of view. I decided to do a sequel from both their points of view. The girl would go out on the town, attract the attention of a boy, but feel no guilt in brushing him off. Then she intended to give the man a blow job.

13 November 2001 Dream #1: Zed And Bryn Laden Join Forces

I occupied a somewhere between middle-and-far-eastern country (what do you call places that end in 'stan'? The near east is The Balkans, the middle east Israel and Jordan and places, but the far east is China and the like). I was attacking Afghanistan which was occupied by Bryn. Despite the fact that I had very little in the way of resources, some helpers of mine gathered together three barrels worth of stuff, and our takeover was successful. Bryn and I then joined forces, so as to set about attacking Pakistan, but there were no resources in Afghanistan either. There was a bloke who guided us in military strategy, though. He encouraged us to fight each other (with bare hands). I was winning, when I woke up.

13 November 2001 Dream #2: A Question Of Lust

I went to Wales with a bunch of re-enactors. I was about to take some things home, including a really heavy empty jar of Marmite: I staggered up a flight of stairs with it. I overheard someone saying, "There's five new re-enactors now; we're thinking of phasing out the older ones." I agreed with the sentiment, initially, but thought it could annoy some people.

I noticed a piece of paper: a printed out e-mail from my brother, which said he got his A Level results on 25th August. (Note: my brother didn't do A Levels.) I asked Mum (what she was doing there, I don't know) what they were. "An A in Art, a B in Biology, and a C in Computing," she said.

"How alphabetical," I remarked, but wondered: my brother didn't do A Level Biology did he?

"No, actually he got two 'B's and an 'E'," she said. "The E in Computing. He's having tutoring, though."

"That's a surprise. Didn't he do really well in all of his assessments?"

"It was the exam. It lasted two days, and he thought he'd done really badly after the first day." I vaguely remembered this.

Bryn and I went into some room of his. I put "Singles 86>98" by Depeche Mode into the CD player and started listening to "A Question Of Lust". I thought he'd complain, but he didn't.

Then we were at a very poorly attended Depeche Mode concert. They were playing "A Question Of Lust". Bryn and I climbed up on stage, and they started playing "A Question Of Time". I decided I preferred not being too close to the band at concerts, it took away from the mystique. The best concert I'd been to recently was the Alice Cooper one a few months ago, where I'd been a long way back from the stage. (This would be an Alice Cooper concert I went to in a dream, not a real one.)

I thought about trying to kiss a member of Depeche Mode, just to make my online friend Zarya and her friends jealous. I thought better of it, though: Bryn probably wouldn't approve.

14 November 2001: A Prophetic Dream! A Few Weeks Later, Bryn Would Buy Diablo!

I was in a strange version of Angband, with some other people. In the town, I was instructed to go into shop 1 and spend the gold wisely, me being a Maths student and all. I bought a couple of items, then spent the remainder of the gold on Jaffa Cakes. We went into shop 2, which was owned by a scorpion, so we soon left. Shop 4 had been replaced by a travelling sales-creature. Shop 5 was really interesting, but I can't remember why.

15 November 2001: It's Bad Enough Paying 20p For Station Toilets, Never Mind £5 In A Nightclub!

I was at a warped version of the Electric Ballroom: the dancefloor I liked was on the second story. I sat in an armchair with my backpack by feet while I waited for the music to get good. I went downstairs, past the security guards at the door, to go to the toilet. I noticed most people had left their bags on some shelves near there, but I was glad to have taken mine into the club. When I tried to pass the guards again, they claimed they hadn't let me in that night, and made me buy another ticket. It was £5 (instead of the seven you'd pay in real life), but I was most disgruntled. Shortly after returning to my arm chair, Bryn approached me. I complained to him, and he suggested we went and put on our make up. We went to some toilets on that floor to do so.

I was somewhere in London with six other people. We were to drive to the Electric Ballroom; one of them driving one car, me in my parents' Landrover. The other six squashed into the other car. Then one of them and joined me. At first it was a girl (who resembled one of Bryn's housemates). But it shortly turned into my brother.

He had an idea of where we were (on the grounds that there were nearby parking meters) and began to instruct me where to go. I soon discovered that the car was very difficult to control, especially since I was wearing platform boots. My brother told me to turn left. I did, and he started shouting at me. I couldn't understand why, since I had looked right before turning. Then he explained that I'd already missed the next turn off. The car skidded along a thin twisty sandy road.

Me and my family were all naked from the waist down. We were in the kitchen at Bryn's student house, eating and watching afternoon kid's TV programmes. An hour-long episode of "Dragonball Z" was on, followed by a shorter episode of something else. Then there were some adverts. "Does anyone want to watch these?" Mum asked.

"Let's just see if there's one for a PVC coat," I said.

The next advert was one we'd seen earlier on: it wasn't for a PVC coat, but it was for a black coat. "Weird," I said.

(Stranger still, when I woke up, Bryn randomly asked if he could make me into a Dragonball, so I'd be Dragonball Z.)

16 November 2001: Blatant Future Fears

I was working at a cross between Omega Music and AWCSL and somewhere else. It was in Carlisle and a lot of customers came in. I made one of them coffee and gave them cake; then others started buying these things. The next day, there was a roaring trade - yesterday's customers and more. Dad, aware of my runaway success, contacted Ray, who was one of the official AWCSL people (in the dream, anyway), so he could arrange for me to do this job permanently. I was terrified - it was fun at the moment, but I didn't want to do it for the rest of my life.

An old man (he resembled my landlady's husband) who had been in the day before came in and asked for chocolate cake. I went to the warehouse, and found there was none left. I considered giving him cheese cake, but it seemed unwise. It took a long time to get out of the warehouse, as several people were milling around in front of the shelves. I dashed into the streets of Carlisle (which looked like Canterbury) and tried to find some chocolate cake, but couldn't. I walked back slowly, unwilling to incur the man's wrath.

When I got back, he had gone, although he had indeed been angry. My superiors advised me to close the stall. The next day, some of my regulars dropped by, but went away empty handed. I said at the end of the day I might serve them coffee, though. A man in his twenties started voicing his opinion on selling food in stores that sold other products. He was against it.

I went to a small back office with a computer in it. I couldn't surf the net from it, but I checked my e-mail. I didn't recognise the e-mail program, and couldn't be certain of how many new messages I had. There was an icon by each message. By the more recent one, there was a bomb. This didn't seem like a good sign, but I opened it anyway. It was a chain letter with something to do with Iceland, so I deleted it. The previous message said, "Do not, under any circumstances, open an e-mail with the subject line [something or other]. Cricket fans, this has nothing to do with cricket. Remember the Icelandic Eurovision Song contest entry a few years ago? Well, it's the title of that." I looked back at my inbox; the e-mail with a bomb beside it hadn't had that subject line.

The message before that was a newsletter from my local church. Two local couples had recently married there, one of them a dentist. Then it said something about the angel Amy Jamie. Jamie meant Simon, and Simon meant Peter, so James meant Peter. Then it said when Jesus was born, there were half a dozen babies of a certain type, half a dozen of another - there were six different types, half a dozen or a dozen of each. "Which sort was Jesus?" it asked. I looked at the types more closely - the first three made sense, but the other three listed conditions in Biblical language. There was a translation beside each, though: the first one was Godsmack (which is a rock band).

17 November 2001: Hallucination, Probably Caused By Hanging Around With People Doing Pot

I was at The Pit, hugging a lot of people violently. In a five-person hug, I suddenly felt squashed, and woke up, needing the toilet. It was ages before I could get out of bed though; I continued to hug people individually in a less harmful way.

18 November 2001: Hallucination, Definitely Caused By Hanging Around With People Doing Pot

I fell asleep after watching the first sequence of "Natural Born Killers". I hallucinated that I was on my way to Rutherford bar, with someone, where I was to sing a heavy metal song while topless. I woke up, too afraid to open my eyes and watched the rest of the film. Thus I remained until it ended, flinching at every bang, of which there were plenty.

Definitely staying away from pot in the future, if possible.

19 November 2001: Marion's Skiving Gets Out Of Hand

Despite the fact that we'd been at university for two years, my year went back to school for another year there.

It was the weekend after Hallowe'en and a lot of people were still wearing their costumes. I was to go to Slimelight. I put on my nun's wimple, my black lacy top, my PVC dress inside out, and a black lacy knee-length dress. Where did I get this from? I wondered over the last garment. The ensemble looked rather groovy and some people approved. I set off towards Canterbury to get to the station. Bryn was to leave later, meeting me there.

Then I realised I was wearing my fishnet knee-socks that I'd turned into gloves - there were gaping holes at my ankles. They looked bad, rather than bad-ass, so I hurried back to school / campus, to put on my stockings instead. I hoped Bryn hadn't set off without me.

When I got there, I saw Marion, for the first time that term. "I'm going to China for my Easter holidays," she told me. "Except I'm taking them now."

"How long will you be gone for?" I asked.

"A month," she said.

"So you won't be here at all this term, except for today?" I asked. She'd always skived a lot, but this was ridiculous!

I headed for the basement (for some reason), talking to my penpal Jen on my mobile phone. I was to visit her in two days time. "There probably won't be any tickets left now," she said. She'd got the notion that I was going to travel by plane.

"I'll go by train," I said.

"Won't there be a lot of changes?" she asked.

"I can get from Carlisle directly to . . ." I tried to think of a big city near her hometown. York came into my head, but that was on the wrong side of the country. (And in reality, you need to change once.)

"York?" she asked.

"Manchester!" I exclaimed. (Again, in reality, you need to change once.)

"There's four stops on my part of the line," she told me.

I noticed Marion and Smill walking behind me, arm in arm. "Are you best friends now or something?" I asked.

There were flights from England to my online friend Ang's home town for just over £400. I decided to go and visit her.

23 November 2001: Enough Of My Dreams. Let's Talk About Someone Else's For A Minute.

I was standing with a lot of people on the road where my online friend Helen lived. She was explaining to them how the various parts of the road featured in her dreams. I kept making comments.

25 November 2001: Dream #1: "So Who Was DJing?" Bryn asked, when I told him about it.

I was at some kind of performance without Bryn. I kept yelling out really amusing things. At the end, someone on stage asked me to perform a feat where somebody got soaked with water. I did, and then danced across stage for the final number. Other people danced behind me, less frantically.

The big cheeses of the rock society had gone on a pub crawl. The rest of us went to a Pit. I hung around with Soppygit, Ibid and The Sleeve. I went outside with The Sleeve and we wandered around a bit. He asked me how long before those on the pub crawl would get back. My watch said 11.17, so I told him twenty five or thirty minutes. Then I realised it was only 10.15 and I told him this. To pass the time, he suggested I made him some music. I didn't know whether he wanted me to compose or copy existing songs, but the latter seemed easier. I had a few CDs with me, so I would burn them.

25 November 2001: Dream #2: Hellish Creatures

I was with several people: we were on our way back from a rock society pub crawl. Bryn kept running on ahead; I kept trying to keep up with him. On the final straight, however (Mykos knows where we were going), he grabbed my hand and I virtually flew to the door. When I came to a rest, my vision circled and I found myself looking at Lanercost School on a sunny day. The picture quickly faded though.

I went into the kitchen at Bryn's student house, except it looked more like that at Naworth Castle. All his housemates were there, but none of them noticed me. I returned to Bryn's room, and one of his housemates came in, carrying a creature she'd been sent in the mail. It was the size of a guinea pig but heavy and with a leather coat. She offered it to us to hold. Although I'd never minded animals in the past, I claimed fear. However, it jumped on me. The girl took it off, and began stroking it rapidly, but it kept fighting to get away, and jumped back onto my jumper. I finally found the courage to stroke it, and it let go with one paw and started to tremble. I lowered my body so it could climb onto Bryn's naked horizontal torso. It did just that.

I woke up to hear the smoke alarm going off.

28 November 2001: A Sure Sign That I Have Too Much Homework

It was Monday of the last week of term. Bryn threatened to dump me and go out with someone else if I didn't do my Probability homework. It featured a function that resembled an L rotated clockwise through 90 degrees, which made graphs lower. I asked Dad to explain it, but he had difficulty. So I asked one of the helpers for that subject. He explained it. I was then raring to get on with the homework, but I had a lecture to attend. It occurred to me that the homework wasn't worth any marks, though.

29 November 2001: All My Threesomes Get Cut Short

Bryn and I were at the Pit. He declared that he fancied Amy. To please him, I got Amy to go home with us. We all got into bed together, but I wouldn't allow us to do much. Then there was an alternative version of events: Bryn and I went home on our own, and he wrote in his journal, "I really wanted Amy, but no, I've got Zed." I asked if he was unhappy with me, but he assured me he wasn't.

The next day, he told The Sleeve that we took Amy home with us. Possibly because Sleeve fancied Amy, Bryn said, "She just slept on the floor though." The lie annoyed me.

1 December 2001, Ibid's Dream, Cause It's Amusing

"Last night I dreamed I had two husbands and twelve children and was going to get another husband because I wanted more sex."

1 December 2001: Cool! I Can Literally Do Maths In My Sleep!

My household was holding a party, but it was in a big bowling alley type of place, with several pool tables. A lot of boys we didn't know were there. I spotted a free pool table, and suggested to Ibid that we played. We did, but some boys looked annoyed with us.

A girl turned up. She had nowhere else to go. She asked me how many Mars Bars you could buy for ten pounds. I told her thirty. She gave me a ten pound note and told me to buy them for her. I was now in a place that resembled the campus shop, except there was a greenhouse type of thing in the middle of it, with food inside it. The cashier started ringing up the girl's order, but she included different sorts of confectionary. I was having a hard time finding the Mars Bars; I found four in front of the glass, and one behind it. But the cashier told me there were sixteen Yorkie Bars on the order, so I started looking for them instead.

Ibid took Soppygit and myself to her parents' house. It was half way down a hill. They were sitting, reading, in a shabby looking living room - in a kitchen, which wasn't really a different room, a kettle was boiling. I helped them tidy up the place, which took five hours. At the end, I noticed the kettle kept ceasing activity then spurting steam again. "What's up with that?" I asked Ibid's mother.

"Seeing as you haven't worked it out already, we practice the occult," she said. She and Ibid's Dad had met at university, and he'd later become a vicar to cover up his real beliefs. The stuff in the kettle was whisky tea.

I had AIDS (this isn't totally random, since it was World AIDS Day the previous day, and I went to an event concerning it) and I was trying to find out where I had got it from. To do this, I squirted toothpaste in all the places I could have picked it up from. Jo helped me. I was pretty sure it had come from Ibid's house.

There was a big celebration going happening on a beach. One girl, who had just celebrated her fifth birthday, wanted to turn six now, so to pass the time, she played in the waves with some sea creatures, although she grew scared of one of them, and backed out. She started doing handstands, and turned into me. There was a mirror, in which I could see how high my legs were going. Not very.

It was a Tuesday afternoon. My four o'clock workshop had finished early, and since I was running out of food, I decided to go to Fresh. In reality, it's the name of the convenience store Annie visits. In my dream, it was a big supermarket, down a couple of roads from campus, which was divided up into sections: one for each section of the population. Bryn came with me, carrying a speaker. The student union had lent it to him for the next Pit, but he thought it looked pathetic, so he was going to take it to Socodi Music to exchange it for a bigger one. ("That's me all right," he commented, when I told him about it.) I told him I had a lecture at five, and couldn't accompany him there.

I went to the student section of Fresh, and picked up some groceries. I took them to the till. They came to £2.50, but I didn't have that much in change. Nor was it enough to use my debit card. I was going to get some other stuff, so as to get the total high enough, but I thought to ask Bryn if he had any change. He hadn't, but he'd got a bigger speaker here, and because of that, he'd earned a load of tokens. He gave them to me, and I handed them over.

2 December 2001: Zed Turns Into Marion

It was the first day of school. Projects were being given back to my class. I thought I'd done well on mine, but I didn't go to school. I hung out with a boy in my class at the industrial estate in Brampton instead. He'd got 95% in his project. Neither of us really liked the other, but I tried to impress him and my attempts were successful.

At 4pm, my mother drove up to the corner of the estate, annoyed with me for not going to school. I prepared to get in the car, safety pinning the zips of my backpack together, but by the time I was ready, the traffic had forced Mum to drive off.

I started to walk home. We'd moved house fairly recently (in another dream), but I thought I could find my way there." I walked through Brampton keeping a constant look-out for Mum's car. Near Showfield car park, I thought I saw Mum and yelled out to her, but she paid me no heed. I noticed her hair was darker than Mum's and she was wearing black lipstick. Not much later, I arrived at my house. I recognised it (it looked like The Sleeve's) and Noj was outside getting some ice cream from the van in the street. When I walked in, Mum was less annoyed with me than I'd expected: I hadn't expected her to understand my need to do up the safety pin.

6 December 2001: I'm Freakshow Material All Right

I was taking part in a circus act in a gym, that required me to throw small objects at two moving people. I was quite accurate at first, but when I stood a bit further back, I started missing.

10 December 2001: "Hey, Want To Test Out My Mattress?"

It was the start of second year, and I had moved into a house with four people I didn't know. I didn't like one of the boys much, but we got along all right. I went to a small supermarket, where I picked up some margarine and cheese spread and orange squash. (Which is exactly what I needed to buy in my waking life.) They didn't have any normal bottles of orange, just a four-litre-one which was only 80% full.

I went to the sports centre to use the toilet, but there was a long line of people waiting. A girl told me that her mattress was really soft: did I want to try it out? I thought that was a strange request. My former corridor-mate Catherine was in the queue ahead of us. I told the girl that she liked springless mattresses and had been quite content living in Eliot College.

11 December 2001: I Wouldn't Have Thought I Could Mistake Chris For Marion, But . . .

I remembered that over the summer of 2000 I had sex with Marion on a few occasions. They took place in the evenings, in a sunny apartment where I lived.

I put on some pink hair mascara. Unlike in reality, it was very visible.

13 December 2001: I Write A Novel Where The Heroine Is Just Like My Subconscious Self

I was in a mansion. Some sort of violent adventure was taking place around me, but I was busy writing a very bad historical romance novel with a wussy heroine. People around me started throwing stuff over a fence; I threw the novel. However, I picked it up later and showed it to my online friend Meaghan. "I bet there's going to be an orgy," she said.

"Nah," I told her. "There was going to be a threesome, but one of the characters wimped out."

Meaghan had sent me some books and videos. (Which she has done in reality.) I was staying in a house between Carlisle and Newcastle for a night, with my aunt and her family. We read some of the books and watched some videos, but not the Robert Cormier-related ones. I hoped Meaghan wouldn't mind. The next day, my aunt had to transport people all over the north of the country: I hope she'd have time to return me to my home.

14 December 2001: These Memories Of Other Dreams Thing Is Getting Freaky

I moved into a strange-looking corridor, with four of my corridor mates from last year. Matt did gymnastics at a gym just down the corridor from our corridor. I walked past a few times and saw him using what would have been a parallel bar, if it had anything to be parallel to. He was very good, but I was embarrassed to watch, because he was naked.

I was spending a day with my family. We went to a warped version of Lowther Park (a theme park). My brother complained about the lack of log flumes. I told him there were at least two: we'd been here a few years ago, I'd been left on my own, and had discovered them. (In reality, we haven't been there since about 1990. However, I did go there in a dream a couple of years ago.) I could still remember the telephone numbers of the rides: 0709 684 2340 and 0709 684 2341. (The last four digits of each was correct, anyway.)

Then we played tennis and other games, but one of us quickly grew tired of it, and tempers rose. Two people suggested watching "Neverending Story". Although I was annoyed with them, I hadn't seen it for years, so I agreed.

15 December 2001: Make Way For The Big Ship!

Me and several other people - from from my Maths lectures was one of them - were travelling the seas in a big cruise ship, completing quests. After the third one, Mum sent me an angry letter telling me to return the book we'd consulted for it to the library the next morning. My pseudo godfather had a part time job there.

Since there were no locks on the bedroom or bathroom doors on the ship, I was worried about my boots being stolen wile I slept or showered. For a moment, I thought I'd lost them, before remembering I'd switched rooms with someone after removing them.

20 December 2001: Mum's Secret Past

I was with my parents. Mum mentioned that when James (who Dad used to give lifts to school) was two, she babysat for him. While she was doing this, she saw a man she was having an affair with.

22 December 2001: Floodland (probably nothing to do with with my plans to splice some Sisters Of Mercy tracks, though)

My family decided to destroy all landmass in the world. We used a variety of methods, but discovered that Molotov cocktails worked the best. We destroyed all of Britain with accuracy - it was very satisfying to watch, on a map, then set to work on the rest of the world.

Everyone drowned, because there was nowhere to swim to, but my family were able to live normally while keeping afloat. Mum wasn’t convinced that we’d survive: how would we get drinkable water? But we plunged beneath the waves and took food from a convenience store, and I collected books with bloated pages. So why not bottled water?

However, it started to get rather boring, and I hoped some people would come back from a space exploration to keep us company. I was very concerned though: even if they did return, and breed, there was never going to be anyone of my age around.

It was midday and I was waiting outside Spar in Brampton for Bryn to turn up. This was in the centre of a campus, lectures were ending, and there were people milling about. At first I waited with some girls from my Maths lectures; then they left, and a girl I didn’t recognise stood near me. Another girl turned up and asked her, “Are you on your own?” “No, I’m waiting with Zed,” she said. I wondered how she knew my name, and felt bad for not talking to her. Eventually I spotted someone who looked more or less like Bryn - his skin seemed too dark - but on closer examination, it was him.

We went to his housemate’s room, for some reason, which looked nothing like it really does. His housemate wasn't there. We sat on the bed, talking, my legs across his. Things were starting to get dodgy, but I said, “I’ve got to go to the toilet.” I meant to go to the ensuite bathroom in his room (not that there is one), as I thought we should get out of his housemate’s room soonish, but I went through the wrong door and ended up in his housemate’s ensuite (also non-existent). Oh well, I thought, and sat down.

When I came out, I had turned into Annie. Bryn had left; his housemate wasn’t back yet, but his computer was switched on. I was pleased to see that he had three different types of AOL on his computer, one of which was called Free AOL. Free AOL has been responsible for my first online relationship (?) so I approved of it heartily.

25 December 2001: The One Where I Am Finally Faithful, Despite Being Scorned

I found out that Chris’s Dad was dead. Then I found out that Chris was dead. I felt rather upset and talked to Will about it.

I walking in circles around a courtyard of a university campus. I think I had a part in a film, but wasn’t quite sure where to go. I was looking for someone, but I didn’t know what they looked like. A bloke came up to me and started chatting me up. I showed no interest, given my taken state. He asked if I wanted to go to his room; I said no. In order to get him to go somewhere, I suggested we went to the jungle gym. He agreed.

The jungle gym consisted of a tunnel of rope netting above a swimming pool, where some people were splashing around, and then an obstacle course. In the first part, you had to swing yourself all the way along the tunnel. As I did so, I grumbled to the guy, even though I'd completed the course without difficulty three times already today. My long skirt rose up obscenely. “Everyone will be able to see up my skirt except you,” I said.

When we reached the end of that stage, he started racing around the building we were in, which was Eliot College. I chased him for a bit, then sat down in a common room, with Marion, Katie, Helen Wo and some other people.

It was September and most of my year at school had transferred to UKC to do their degrees. To keep them company I had agreed to repeat my first year. Katie commented on how much I’d changed in appearance. “It’s just the glasses, really,” I said. “But they must have some effect, since this is the first day I’ve worn them, and I got hit on by a guy.”

“Was he nice?” she asked.

“He was all right, but I wasn’t interested. I’m in a relationship.” She gave me a look that said, "That doesn't matter." “He’s running round the building.”

A little later, a bloke wearing road-digging garb which made him look really hefty, came in, then walked out again. “That’s not him, is it?” Katie asked, laughing. “I thought you said he was really fit.”

It was the Friday before term started, but there was to be a lecture at four. We were now sitting with some other people in a version of The Venue’s foyer. At 4.15, we saw a woman with a phrase concerning “Maths” on her jumper through the glass, and she came in to explain some stuff to us, but turned into a man after a while. I remembered that I’d been told I didn’t need to come to this lecture.

At 4.45 we noticed a big traffic jam outside, caused by an Omega Securicor Express van. I noticed my Dad - he was obviously moving a piano to UKC. Since the lecturer was just talking about how to produce Greek letters on computers, I left to talk to him.

Afterwards, since I couldn’t remember how to produce Greek letters, I went to Eliot College computer room. The computers were a lot more sparsely spread out, but there was a free one on the back row. I filled all the extra desk space with a giant poster.

The computers had all changed, supposedly to make it possible to load Word from the intro screen. However, I had a difficulty getting to grips with the new menu. I managed to load Word, and the page was full of multicoloured shapes and patterns. I was trying to find circles of the various colours, but after scanning through the whole document, couldn’t find any.

I remembered I had a lecture at five. Although it was a computing one, so the likelihood of a lecturer turning up wasn’t too high, I decided to go along anyway. I went to Physics Lecture Theatre 2 (although I don't even know if is there one). As it was only 4.57, the only other person there was a cleaner, who greeted me heartily. However, I had doubts as to whether I was in the right place, so I started digging through my bag in search of a timetable. This took about fifteen minutes, during which time a lecturer and some students came in, for a lecture on poetry. When I found my timetable, it said I should be in room F588 or F591. I didn’t know what F stood for - French? - never mind where its department was.