I was looking at league tables that showed the top schools in the country, judged by various aspects. I wondered if my old school would be included, but I decided it probably wouldn't, as it was independent.

Two teenage girls were working on a project where they had to write about various books. They knew a lot about them, but one of them was distracted because she fancied the other.

I was in my room, standing on my chair, trying to find my "Boyfriend Club" books. I managed to find books 1-4 of the series, but I knew I'd have trouble getting to the rest, as they were trapped behind other books.

I was in room 8 at school doing a Maths challenge with various other people, except instead of doing Maths problems, you had to create twelve pictures of women from around the world, to various specifications. I did the first ten quickly, but the eleventh took a long time. I wasn't sure when time would run out, but everyone except Marion had left the room. I had to draw the twelfth (Japanese) woman's hair with two different pens, and the colours were rather different: one came out black, one blue. I decided to explain this at the bottom of the picture - "she's a goth, with temporary blue streaks" - but before I could finish, time was up. The test had lasted two hours and fifty minutes, which surprised me.

A few months ago, in reality, I had played a role in a murder mystery. In the dream, I was at the farm house where the murder happened (well, not really), and I was the victim (again, not really), I was very afraid of my imminent death. I was outside, and I could see the murderer (who was my old boss - nope!) I spotted my parents' Rangerover, and got inside. Then I noticed three people - a couple and their baby - entering the farm house. I sprinted after them and went in behind them. The man looked at my suspiciously, but they didn't seem to mind.

Inside, it looked a bit like my living room. Several people were there. I sat down beside Bryn. His mother instructed me to clear the rubbish off the chair, left there by a little girl. I picked up a green Chewit wrapper, and put it in the bin.

Bryn and I went to a lounge, to get some more privacy. "You're not going to kill me, are you?" I asked. "Nah," he said. But suddenly, a warning was issued in the house to watch out for murder, and everyone rushed into the room, worried.

2 July 2001: My View Of American Universities Is V. Warped

I was pleasantly falling asleep in front of "Get Real", until Bryn suggested I went to bed. I did, and thrashed around for hours, the same thoughts swirling around in my head. They were Bryn-related, although precisely what, I don't know.

Eventually, I dreamed that I was at university, taking an exam in a multimedia subject, except it consisted of five nasty Maths questions. They weren't hard, just a bit difficult to interpret, and not on topics that I cared for. The R n B of Maths, I thought. The exam was supposed to take place at the front of a hall where the pupils wrote their answers on whiteboards. Other students were able to watch and quite a crowd gathered. But although there were six of us taking the exam, there were only five whiteboards (three on a stage, two below). I stood with the audience, trying to attract the attention of the invigilator, but the students were coming to the end of the second question before he saw me.

I was sitting on a bench, outside a building, with Marion (a friend from school), talking about provisional driving licenses. Claire, a friend from UKC, sat beside her and made a comment. It took several seconds before me and Marion understood, but when we did, we laughed.

It was the evening, and online friend Canadanne and I were in a building that resembled The Mathematics Institute at UKC, but was used for student residence. We tried to visit someone, but couldn't for some reason, so we visited online friend Daine, who lived on another storey.

I was rereading my online friend Laurie's journal entries from March and April 2001. The last one in March described her flight, when she visited her ex-boyfriend Chris. "That's strange, I thought they weren't talking then," I thought. What was stranger was that Chris was at Smith University (?) which was south of Georgia (?).

The next entry was long and written in late April. Laurie wrote that she wasn't impressed by the dorms (?), having heard they were nicer than hers. She'd also gone to a bar, and drank something through a straw. "Where did you get that straw?" someone had asked. Laurie lied and said she'd got it free on the plane. Then she noticed that it had an expensive brand name on it.

3 July 2001: Rammstein And The Thieves

I was at university and Rammstein were to play in London at 9pm on a Sunday night. I was going to go by car, since mine was in a car park at UKC (which, naturally, doesn't really exist). I knew that a couple was going to steal my car at some point in the day, but I thought they'd bring it back before I needed to leave. I waited for them in the car park. However, it was 8 o'clock before they stole it. "Bring it back, ok?" I called after them. "What's your name, by the way?" The woman answered, "Bryce Byron." The car exited before I could ask their phone number.

I had no choice but to get the train, even though it was going to be late. But by the time I'd gathered all my possessions, it was 8.15pm.

5 July 2001: My Journal Means Far Too Much To Me

I'd paid £70 to go to a convention for people who were thinking about changing universities. I wasn't when I got there, but when I'd signed up, I'd had my doubts about UKC. When I got there, I somehow managed to ruin everyone's chances of changing university. I was a bit upset, since they'd all hate me, but was rather proud of myself too: what a journal entry it would make!

Dad drove me to a small dark sloping field, where some girls were playing cricket. However, it was approaching five o'clock and growing too dark to carry on.

I was sleeping on a gym floor with many other people. Our undersheets were connected to one another. Somehow, the bloke next to me caused me to move, so I went to the location where Noah (the biblical character), his wife and his young child were sleeping. "Can I sleep here?" I asked them. They agreed, but with an air of "How did I know this would happen?"

It was the last day of term, but I was in my room at home. I started to pack my videos into a plastic crate, with the intention of moving them, but I grew bored, and wandered around campus. In a corridor (non-existent in real life, of course), I saw Bryn talking to a black-haired girl. I said hello, but he didn't notice me, and started walking away. I followed him, and ended up in a hall, where a circle of people were standing in the far corner. At this point I remembered that the rock society had asked for people to help set up The Pit, which would be held that evening, and I'd volunteered.

To my surprise, Lara from my Maths class, who isn't a rock society member, was there. "We're the last ones," she told me. There was only one other girl present, who I recognised, but I can't think who she was.

Nick, the vice president, started to talk, but one of the blokes caught fire and died. Next thing I knew, Bryn and I were walking around a graveyard, trying to bury him. We placed him in a coffin, discovered he was surprisingly short, and moved him up it.

8 July 2001: Time Warped

I was reading a book, which was written in the style of "Speak" by Laurie Halse Anderson. It was about a girl, who was me some of the time. She lived in London and went to UKC. A lot of it dealt with her living in my house in Canterbury. Then a new section of the book started. It was September 1999, and she was about to go back to university for her second year. It mentioned 3 Colours Red, which made me happy, and said that they were only playing four dates in early September, long after university had started (which seemed a bit weird). The next chapter was called "BRYN" in which I sensed things would go wrong.

10 July 2001: Another Funeral!

I went to a cinema, which involved walking through many corridors of a school, which didn't give much indication as to where they led. It was eleven o'clock when the film finished. As I made my way back outside, where my mother would be waiting to collect me, I heard voices talking about me, saying, "Zed probably won't go online at this hour, we should give up." I went to their source and found Sofie (an online friend), Nette and Molly (her online friends) and someone else gathered around a computer. They were all amazed and pleased to see me in real life, and we started walking towards the car park together, but Sofie was the only one I really talked to.

Will (a friend from school) was supposed to be organising a funeral, but for some reason, he had to stop, and hand the responsibility over to me. This annoying girl called Rachel, who was from Newcastle, kept interfering though. I made notes about her on a piece of paper, intending to show it to Bryn. However, in the end, she did most of the work; I didn't even get to go to the funeral, I was so busy doing other things. She damaged my Sylvanian families caravan, which I was upset about, but she apologised, and I remembered it had had a wheel missing anyway.

I filled the rest of the piece of paper making more complimentary comments. I thought about sending it to her as a letter, but I remembered the less-than-favourable words, so I began another letter instead. I wrote my address. Although I hadn't moved house, my house number had changed. I couldn't be bothered to write anything beyond the first line, though.

13 July 2001: Anna And The Ankh

Bryn and my online friend AevilSteve were staying with me. The three of us and my brother Noj decided to go cycling around Cumbria. We started off in the Warwick Bridge area, but I saw a sign for Antwerp. Amused, I insisted that we followed it. It took us to Brampton, where we saw another sign that pointed at other places outside Britain, some thousands of miles away. Noj was sceptical of my plan and said, "Let's go to the station" - there was one where there isn't in reality - "and go to Antwerp from there." I told him I didn't really want to go to Antwerp, and we set off back into Cumbria again. But as we did, Dad's car pulled up beside me. He informed me that I had to be at school play rehearsal which started at two; he'd take me to it.

I'd been to one rehearsal before. The play involved four people - a man, a woman, a boy and a girl (me) - sitting in a hut drinking coffee and talking. Rehearsals took place in the chapel. We rehearsed. I squeezed my coffee, which was viscous, all over the floor. Then we had to perform that part of the show. Mr Bulman, who was directing, was flustered, because we hadn't reached the end of it. Still, the show had to go on. When we reached the end of the bit we'd rehearsed, the characters had to go in different directions. I was told to go outside and face a certain way. I thought the action would happen to the others, as their roles were more important than mine, but Anna (who was in the year below mine) appeared before me in a mirror. "I am good," she said. "I should not appear before one so wicked as you. What tarot card did you draw to achieve this?"

I didn't know. "Can you give me a choice?" I asked. She proceeded to say things, and broke the chain of my ankh, since it signified a religiousness I lacked. She left, telling me to clear up the mess I'd left. I hoped this didn't include the coffee, as it would take forever.

The school was doing two plays - the second one was about a headmaster in an insane school. The chapel surreptitiously warped into Lanercost Priory. The headmaster sat in the pulpit and I watched from the choir stall beside it. He kept ordering pupils to come to his office. Some of them I recognised, but I couldn't work out who was playing the headmaster. It was the sort of role Will would play, but he was someone else. I wished I had a program. The headmaster kept referring to a calendar. I heard Natalie (who was in my year) say, "It's best if you can see it." Since I could see it, I looked. It was full of amusing bunkum like "4th Anthony day" which was followed by "Anthony half day".

After the play, I grabbed a program from the shelves where hymn books are kept, and got on a bus back to Brampton with the rest of the cast. I complained about my ankh being broken.

"Get another one," Ruth, who was in the year below mine, said.

"You don't understand, it was a nineteenth birthday present," I said. (Although it wasn't, the first ankh I owned was.)

"Is it silver?" Ruth asked.

"Yes," I said, although I wasn't sure.

"I have a silver-blue one," she said. "I never wear it because it's kinda creepy, you know?"

"Can I have it?" I asked, although I knew it wouldn't be the same. She agreed. I asked where she got it from, for future reference. She named a shop I knew I'd never remember.

I lived in Naworth Castle and my online friend Twi was staying with me. We were bored, so I suggested we played with colouring books. "Have you got felt tip pens?" she asked. I had, and I sent her along to Noj's bedroom, where they were stored. I tried to follow, but I ran into AevilSteve in the corridor who attempted to rape me.

14 July 2001: The Dominatrix In The Blue Track Suit

I was in a computer game-like land. Me and someone were being driven down a road near Lanercost by two people who had kidnapped us, when there were explosions all around us. I was afraid for me life, but me and my companion managed to escape.

Bryn and I were playing a computer game where you had to each select three people from a choice of ten to perform a task. The first one baffled us at first, but we realised that all you had to do was have each character give a certain piece of paper to the evil guy. The second only took a minute - it was so quick that by the 3rd, I couldn't remember what it was. Bryn told me, but I forgot it again.

For the third task, Bryn chose a character based on the fact that she looked like a dominatrix. "Take a look at her," he told me. But when she entered the game, she was fat and wearing a light blue track suit. This task involved making a Marmite sandwich. One of my characters did it quickly.

I was in my brother's room at Naworth Castle with Bryn. We made up a rude song to sing to my mother, although I knew she wouldn't mind. But when we sang it to her, she left the room just before I started the last verse. I wanted to rewrite the last verse, then sing it when she returned, but Bryn couldn't be bothered participating.

15 July 2001: Katrina Returns

I was at my parents' shop at about 10pm when I got an e-mail from Katrina (my friend who moved to New Zealand five years ago). Apparently she was living in Brampton and couldn't see me for a few days because she was stressed about the results of her finals. Finals? Katrina? I thought, before realising that she was indeed university-leaving age. I was glad to know her e-mail address.

Although it was late at night, I decided to go round and see her. When I got to her house, a few other people were entering. Inside, the kitchen was being redecorated, and I didn't really get a chance to speak to Katrina.

16 July 2001: The Warped Freshers' Fair

I was living in Naworth Castle (again!) and Bryn visited me there. It was the first time I'd seen him in a few days, and I couldn't keep my hands or lips off him. He was loving it. We had to go out, but even as we crossed the courtyard, I carried on. Just outside it, we ran into a friend of his. "You look happy," he told Bryn. "Go away for a few days," Bryn advised. "It's great."

We ran into Gill (his ex), who walked along on the other side of Bryn. I put my arm around him, and it interlocked with her arm. She looked surprised. We ran into Nick (the vice president of the rock society) who was wearing silver trousers. He said, "Argh! Too much rock society!" and we all went to the Freshers' Fair which was in a theatre, except the seats at the front were higher than those at the back.

We took seats and listened to some bad music. Enimem's "My Name Is" started playing, but the stop button was pressed one line into the chorus, and some announcements were made. You could go and see two blokes fighting on certain days of the academic year. Also, everyone was given a form which entitled them to a free manicure, which was being given on the stage.

Then names were read out. When you heard yours, you could look round the fair. Mine was read out third, so I went to get my free manicure. They told me to fill in the form first. All I wanted was to have my nail polish touched up. "Not bad, is it?" I said, showing the results to Noj. He looked unconvinced. "Considering I've got incredibly shaky hands," I added.

"You should have gone along when they were giving out free manicures at school," he said.

"But I didn't start wearing nail polish until I left," I said.

There was a stall near the entrance selling second hand CDs. I had a look. The rack turned round. On the part that was visible, I couldn't see any music I recognised, but I imagined I could turn it round and find some when the other customers were gone. When they had, the foreign-looking man running the stall asked if I was looking for anything. "Nothing in particular," I said, "but do you have any rock music?" He said no, but I felt sure he hadn't understood the question. I noticed a Rammstein record in a plastic basket.

17 July 2001: Computer Bumph

I went back to university after a holiday. Bryn and I went to a computer room, where I checked my e-mail for the first time in a few days. I had about thirty messages. One of the more recent ones was from "Gillian 'Shagging' S*****" (Bryn's ex, but don't ask about the middle name). I'd mentioned her on my website, using both names, a few days earlier, in a derogatory but joking fashion. I was surprised she'd found the page so fast. She'd only written one line, which seemed to imply that she didn't mind, but it was in response to an e-mail someone else had sent: they'd been less pleased. I went through my older e-mails, trying to find it, but it wasn't there.

While I did this, I was burning a CD. It was nearly done and I had nearly finished answering an email to my online friend Rosie, when Bryn came up to me, declared that it was time to go, and switched off my computer. I screamed at him, then turned it back on, to finish the burn and the e-mail.

Later on I checked my e-mail and found that I'd only got five new messages, the latest one from Rosie. It occurred to me then that my forwarding was set up so that not all my e-mail would go to that account.

About ninety people, including me and Bryn were to go on a trip somewhere. First, however, we watched a bit of a video showing in a theatre on the rugby pitch at school. Then we walked along the path towards the car park. I tried to talk to Bryn, but he kept wandering off and shouting. When I finally got to speak to him, he told me that he'd worked out how the Park Wood houses (an area of residence on campus) got their Internet connections - through the URL www.6.co.uk. I exclaimed over how short the address was. He rambled on about servers.

18 July 2001: The Nail Polish Strikes Back

Before going to bed that night, I had left my ankh on a mantle piece.

I was watching an episode of a cross between Pokémon and Harry Potter. In the first scene, Ash/Harry and Misty/Hermione were fighting some bad guys, led by Draco/James. They won because they had the power to make themselves invisible, except for their boots. When it was over, I learned that Draco was unable to use this power.

The second scene was a lesson where four girls demonstrated their magical ability to cover people's faces in brightly coloured paint on Harry and Hermione. Another girl tried to do this, but struggled. It was suggested that she was a squib.

I liked the episode, since there were no Pokémon in it and it introduced interesting plot twists. I mentioned it to Bryn, thinking he wouldn't want the details and would want to watch if for himself. But he didn't, so I outlined the plot.

There was a shop in Brampton where my god sister and another girl who I know gave manicures. I went in there to get my nails painted in a complicated design. Mum went in there to fetch me, and they insisted on inexpertly painting her ring fingernails green.

When she later told Dad about this over dinner, he decided that if someone was to do that to him, he'd kill them. As the conversation had happened, I'd painted one of his little fingernails black. "Are you going to kill me?" I asked. He spared me.

Mum and I had to be at William Howard School by 6pm, which would mean setting off from home at 5.55. It was 5.50 and we were in central Brampton and she took me into a travel agents. There were only about twelve different brochures there, on a rack. She picked one up and showed it to me. It said "Essfur Snake" on the front. (Essfur Snake being one of my fictional characters.)

I couldn't believe it. I opened it. The first thing was a three page essay written very formally. It explained how I had been the only person to enter some American bloke's writing contest. He'd tried to get in touch with me about it, but had failed. I remembered receiving an e-mail from him, but deleting it, thinking it was SPAM. He listed my academic achievements in a confusing manner and mentioned my brother.

The rest of the first half of the brochure consisted of gaudy adverts. Then there was a five page cartoon version of "Essfur Snake: The Machine". "I must have entered the contest a long time ago if I sent that in," I thought. It was followed by a cartoon of another story I'd written, which I couldn't remember producing - it concerned The Rugrats. I hadn't time to read the brochure properly, but I marvelled at the fact that this weird publication had found its way into my hands. We went to the event at William Howard School, where I told everyone I knew about my success.

I woke up afraid that a cat that lived behind the mantlepiece had jumped up and eaten my ankh.

19 July 2001: The Secret Christening

Bryn and I were walking along a dusty road. I mentioned the christening he was going to attend two days later, and he put his hand over my mouth to silence me. I presumed this was because he didn't want his father to hear about it.

His mother and brother were there. His mother showed him where the twenty people who were going to be attending the christening were staying - in five adjacent houses. Bryn and Dave got into the places they'd have to be.

20 July 2001: The Resurrection (Bryn Really Is The Antichrist)

I went to stay in a lighthouse that had been converted into a hotel on the north coast of Wales with my family. The rules were very strict. Eventually, Mum realised we were staying in the wrong place, and we moved to one just down the road, which was much better. We went back to 1897. Bryn was dead and we had to keep performing a simple but repetitive task in order to bring him back to life.

27 July 2001: Whaddya Mean, I've Been Playing Too Much Monkey Island?

It was 11am, and at 2pm that day, I was supposed to perform in a musical. I was unsure about most of the words, but what gave me particular cause for worry was a solo song I had to do. I could remember very little of it, and I didn't have a copy of the lyrics.

My room at university doubled as a voodoo shop. For the most part, there were other people there, but at one point they all left and I was asked to look after it. There was no business, so I forgot about my duty, until a little girl came in, followed by her mother. She wanted to buy three lollipops, which cost £3.60. I found them and she fumbled to find the correct change in her wallet. As she did, weird things started happening. A five-foot-tall replica of The Eiffel Tower appeared, and the little girl started battling with it. I was scared it would fall over. Eventually, the university ghostbusting team arrived, and they told me that there'd been a lot of these incidents recently.

There was to be a cross country race, which took place in Labyrinth world. The singular contestant was worried about Jareth being there. Someone ran ahead to check. Although they shouted back that Jareth appeared at a point they couldn't get to, I didn't believe them, and set off myself. But towards the end of the part I could cover, I realised they were right, and headed back. I passed Gill on my way, except she had black hair. I didn't say anything, since I was in a hurry to learn my lines, but I felt guilty later. When I got back to the start, I said, "Thank goodness I only had to deal with sheep when I did cross country."

I was in a computer room that was the size of an examination hall and laid out like one too. I'd been given a form to fill in where I had to specify the contents of my room. A man was weaving his way through the tables, for each one, identifying a strange possession (nothing to do with ghosts this time, though) that could be found in student rooms. I was eager for him to get all the way through the hall, so I could fill in my form, but by the time he got to column O (the room went up to R) he ceased.

I was trapped in a dark underground room. I felt the only way to escape was to make use of a parrot, but I couldn't see how to do so.

13 August 2001: Reading Laurie's Dreams Apparently Affects My Own

Soppygit, Ibid and I were all outside some American university's residential area. In order to get to classes, we had to travel across some fields by minibus. (Cleverly, my subconscious made it left-hand drive. Probably because the last minibus I was in was that way inclined.) Me and Soppygit (who was the only person wearing the university cape, which was bright red) sat in the front seat. Ibid was driving.

We knew what was going to happen next because we'd lived through this part of our existence before. We'd learn that someone on Ibid's corridor was pregnant. The first Ibid had heard was that "she had something inside her" and she'd been worried that the girl had swallowed an alarm clock, so she had sought medical attention on the girl's behalf.

In order to initiate this revelation, on the journey, Soppygit and I made rude comments about how old Ibid looked. Eventually, Ibid got out of the minibus in a rage. However, last time, she'd thought to turn the engine off beforehand. This time, I had to scramble around in her bag for the key, then chase after the uncontrolled minibus.

Bryn, my online friend Laurie and I were in her boyfriend Adam's room. He had a lot of metal shelves with videos on them. There appeared to be more videos than last time I'd been there, but perhaps they were just more spaced out now. The place was fairly messy, and Bryn was just making it worse (as only he can). Laurie was searching for her CDs among the chaos.

14 August 2001: Three Rabbits And A Funeral

I was playing "The Feeble Files". In reality, I'm stuck on it because you have to win on an arcade grabber machine, which is as difficult on a computer as it is in real life. However, in the dream, I got the prize I wanted on my first attempt.

Bryn and I were at Eurorock. It was raining. We were to leave that day, and I was worried that we wouldn’t be able to get a bus back to the station and that we’d miss the Eurostar.

It was a Saturday morning and I went to Soppygit’s house, which was in London. Her brother was annoying her, and she told me to pray for him to die painfully. It seemed a bit extreme, so I didn’t.

That evening, I went to my online friend Daine’s house, which was also in London, in order to stay the night. She and her brother owned three rabbits, which they’d got from Lynsey (Bryn’s brother’s girlfriend). While I was trying to get to sleep, Daine’s brother made one of them attack me. I screamed and went to complain to Daine. She apologised, but stuck up for her brother too. I was about to accept her point of view when we head a disturbance in the garden. We looked outside and saw police and men in fluorescent yellow jackets. Apparently some people had just died.

Next thing I knew, I was at the funeral. It was held in a big hall in the centre of Eliot College, and my old headmaster (who was a priest) was leading the service. It was Soppygit’s parents and brothers who had died. Soppygit had been on the upper storey of their home at the time of their demise, and had therefore survived. I wondered what I was going to say to her when the funeral was over.

As well as Soppygit’s family, eight people in their early twenties, who were still alive, were being buried temporarily. Their coffins looked more like tents: made of the same fabric, in the same colours, and they zipped up. I was responsible for zipping up one. Before I could do so, the person (it was either a bloke with a very feminine manner, or a girl with a very masculine manner) had to adopt a certain position: sitting, legs out straight in front of them, head bent as low as possible, arms stretched out forwards. He or she cried out in agony when they first assumed it. I was fumbling with the zips, and said they could relax while I worked out how to do them up, but they declined my offer.

As I zipped, I suddenly felt the need to say, “You remind me of the babe.” The person inside was clearly familiar with Labyrinth, and said, “What babe?” The two of us made our way through two and a half renditions of this interrogation, but I kept stumbling over my words, and the person tired of the game.

When the funeral ended, all the coffins had to be put on trolleys and pushed to the outside. As I struggled through the many sets of double doors, I thought, “This will make a great journal entry.” When all the coffins were on the steps outside the college, photos were to be taken, but Mum woke me up at that point.

15 August 2001: Re-enacting And Preparation

Bryn and Anna got back from Fritton Lake. I eventually thought to ask them how it had been. Boring, was the answer, but they had stayed up all night every night.

I was getting ready to go to Slimelight, but it was taking a long time. 6.05pm came and went and I realised I’d have to get a later train.

16 August 2001: The Stately Home, The Runaway Train And Soppy Michael

It was Wednesday evening, and I was about to finish work for the day, when Chris turned up outside the office.

From university, I went on a trip to London and its environs with several other people. Everywhere we went was really boring. We went to a stately home, where I finally complained to two women about my boredom. We started playing a game, where you threw a small square of cardboard to each other, and whoever had the square got attacked by the others. While I had it, one of them tickled my upper thigh. I started to laugh, and tried to throw the card to her, but she told me I couldn’t, because she’d succeeded. I was having quite a good time, but I didn’t want to be tickled again, so the game came to an end.

The trip ended in Beckenham and Bryn and I were catching a train back to Canterbury from there. We had to run along the platform and then fling ourselves in through an open door in order to catch it in time. A little way into the journey, I noticed that it looked like Carlisle outside. Surely we didn’t want to be there? Then I noticed a sign saying “Canterbury”, but it seemed too early to be there either.

Michael, who I went to school with, decided he really fancied Helen Wo. Although he'd always been a bit of a geen, he was being sweet in the dream and I hoped they ended up getting together. He decided he would make a move on the day of a sporting competition, which was taking place at the stately home on a Saturday morning. Before it began, he noticed Helen, but was too nervous to say anything.

I had a shower, initially forgetting to remove my jewellery. “Wake up,” Mum told me, but I fell asleep again. I felt too tired to watch the competition. For the last few days I had been sleeping in a sleeping bag, but I noticed a perfectly good bed, and got into that. A few minutes later, however, Mum told me to wake up again, and I thought it in my best interest to obey.

17 August 2001: You Can’t Have A Dodgy Conversation In Peace In This Place!

It was next Monday, and Bryn was to get back from Fritton. Before he arrived at my house, though, he was supposed to be working at the fudge shop in Canterbury. I went to see if he was there. He was, and we conversed briefly, before I left. Back on the street, I realised I’d forgotten to ask him things like “When will you be home?” and “How did you manage to get a job that quickly?” Also, he’d apparently had his hair cut, but I hadn’t noticed. I felt too silly to go back, though.

The shops held no more attraction, so I went to a building that led through to Canterbury Castle. I found myself on a landing along with a lot of teenagers. I was bored, so I decided to leave, but I couldn’t find my way out. I ended up downstairs in what looked like someone’s house. I got out as quickly as possible, and then ended up looking at Canterbury Castle. It looked just like Naworth Castle, and for a while I wondered if it was. Then I saw a stretch of treacherous water in front of it.

I went back to my house in Canterbury and started using my computer. I heard someone moving about downstairs, but I initially assumed that they were in the house next door. However, I went to check. I leaned over a banister that wasn’t really there and saw Chris. I felt like I was about to fall, so I quickly stood up again.

I asked how he’d known where I was, but the answer he gave was that which I’d been expecting: Dad had delivered a piano to his parents’ house and mentioned my whereabouts. I didn’t talk for him for long; instead I went to see Mum, who was sorting through clothes I owned when I was eleven. There was a reddish-pink cardigan, which I knew I’d never wear again, but there was also a black skirt made from a cross between vinyl and leather. Cool! I thought. I took off the ankle-length white t-shirt that I was wearing, and put it on.

I remembered Chris, and dashed to my bedroom to put on a top of some description. I couldn’t find my room at first, and when I did, I couldn’t remember where my clothes were: I had a balcony, and at first I thought mistakenly they might be found on that. Just before I located a t-shirt, Chris walked in. “Um, I’m kind of not dressed,” I said.

I noticed Noj enter at that point. “I’ve seen you naked before, remember?” Chris said.

“Um, look behind you,” I said, and we were both embarrassed.

Scene shift: Bryn and I were in the corner of a dim unfurnished upstairs room. He said, “You don’t mind the fact that I wasn’t a virgin when we met, do you?”

I said, “Well, I wasn’t either.” At that point, a middle-aged woman who was looking out of the window with her husband started to talk to us. She urged us to go downstairs. Bryn and I were about to use the stairs, but she ushered us into the lift. There was a blue tent in there. “What’s that for?” I asked.

“It’s useful when the rain comes in,” the woman said.

The lift journey took a lot longer than it should have. When we got out, we realised we’d descended nine floors too far. It was at this point that I discovered the building was at the top of the cliff. We could either go back up in the lift, or be driven back - it would be a seven mile journey. The lift looked easier, but the husband got in a car and the rest of us joined him.

19 August 2001: O Brother Who Art Thou?

I wrote a really long letter to my former penpal, Emma. Shortly afterwards, she and I met up. Most of my words had been Tippexed out, and words that didn’t flatter me at all had been written in their place. It was the work of Emma’s younger brother (not that she had one, as far as I remember). I told her about this, and she believed me, but I said I couldn’t go on writing to her if this was going to happen.

I was staying at a very warped version of Bryn’s house. His mother was about to take him and his siblings to the dentist. I was sitting on his older brother’s bed (does his older step brother live at home? Nooooo.) The covers were crumpled, so he told me to get up, so he could make it, as he wasn’t allowed to leave the house until he’d made his bed. Bryn’s mother offered to take me to the dentist’s too, but I couldn’t be bothered, so I sat in Bryn’s room, waiting for the others to leave so I could raid the kitchen undetected.

Serena, an online friend who I’d communicated with a few times (who doesn't actually exist), asked what the problem I had with my mother was. I started writing her a really long letter, outlining everything my mother had ever done to annoy me. I reached the third side of paper, and knew she was going to wish she hadn’t asked, but I carried on, until Bryn came into the room to play Lemmings. I watched him play for a while. Suddenly I noticed my mother was sitting on my bed and was about to read the letter. I snatched it from her hands.

“Do you want to put it out of the way?” she asked. I agreed, hiding it in a box of writing paper. “Do you want to go and see if my bedroom door’s open?” I was like, what? but I climbed over all the junk on my floor to do so anyway. It was. “Just as long as you don’t ask me to see if a door in China’s open,” I muttered. “Do you want to help straighten out the contents of my photograph album?” she asked.

No I didn’t! I wanted to spend time with Bryn! But I agreed anyway and we went into her room. It contained birthday cards she’d received. Her mother (who’s dead) had sent one that was supposed to be funny, but wasn’t. It was more like a booklet than a card. There was one remotely amusing one though.

21 August 2001: Lev-i-ta-tion!

It was about 1pm on a Saturday and I was on campus, walking down Eliot Footpath. On my left was a building, which I went into. Inside were changing rooms, a gym (which I’d used once, towards the start of first year), and a lecture theatre. In the lecture theatre, I noticed several of my classmates. Then the lecturer walked in: a woman, who I’d seen around before, but who had never taught me. I sat down on an uncomfortable white plastic seat and the lecture took place. Towards the end, she said that we each had to write a seminar. I decided to do mine about the lecture theatre. It seemed a good idea at the time, but once I’d written a paragraph about the other uses of the building, and one about the lecture theatre itself, I couldn’t think of anything else to say.

I was in a room with my family. There was a table in it. I put my hands on it, and used it to hoist myself into the air. Then I let go, but I was still able to float. I did this for two minutes, then decided to try walking on air. I dropped back to earth, and then tried to levitate again. I couldn’t do it anymore, and was most annoyed.

My family and I were on a bus, in a small room at the back. At the front of the bus were a lot of people from Improv (a drama group at UKC). One of them kept talking, and other people, me included, kept butting in with remarks.

Bryn and I were following the people from Improv through Canterbury. They got on a bus. We decided not to, which was just as well. It turned out they were going to an amusement park in Bournemouth and the trip would have cost us £120 each. We walked back towards my house. Bryn told me that at Fritton Lake, Graham had fallen out with Anna.

“Why?” I asked, although I had an idea.

“He walked in on her and Treefrog.” Just as I thought. “And Sarah and Dave. He said that a threesome was bordering on acceptable, but four was just too many.” I was somewhat disturbed by this mental picture.

23 August 2001: What Is It With Sarah And Dave All Of A Sudden?

One of Bryn’s friends was licking my bare stomach. He asked, “Have you ever done this with Dave? Or Sarah?”

“No, I’ve just kissed them,” I said, even though I hadn’t.

I was in a shop with my mother, when I noticed a huge range of bras. I insisted we investigated it. All the ones in my size were nasty colours (i.e. not black) or looked far too small, though.

I had received a lot of short letters from my online friend Safti, which I answered one after the other. She lived in the UK and had suggested jokingly that we met up, because she had some things that looked like cheesy crisps but tasted like fudge (?) I agreed and we put on a disco in a hall, where the attendees ballroom-danced and we fed them the cheesy crisps fudge.

30 August 2001: The Taxi And The Library

I got a taxi which was going in the direction of Newcastle. I got out somewhere which would between Hallbankgate and Haltwhistle in reality, then realised that I’d left my back pack in the car. I didn’t know how I was going to retrieve it.

I had started at a very big university. I met two girls who looked similar to Soppygit and Ibid and I got along with nearly as well. One evening, after eating, I went to the library. It was across some grass after going through an iron gate, and it had a fanciful name. Inside, the floor was as slippery as ice rink. There were several people in there, some of them ghosts. I ran into nearly-Ibid, and we decided to wait for nearly-Soppygit to turn up. As we did, I saw nearly-Sleeve.

3 September 2001: Unlit, The Zoo And The Card Game

My brother and I were participating in a cross country wheelbarrow race. Every lap, I had to carry a different video around. I was the wheelbarrow, and discovered that I could go really fast. There were only two other groups of people participating, and I overtook one of them, although they were a lap ahead of me. We finished quickly, although last. At the finish, I handed a novella I’d written to Mrs Simpson, who was the playground supervisor when I was at primary school. I wonder whether it would get published.

My parents dropped me off at a station in Argentina, so I could spend a few hours with my online friend Unlit. We had to get a train to another station. We kept getting off and on again, and I worried that it would leave without us. Eventually, most of the seats seemed to be filled. Rather than having an aisle down the middle, it was down the right hand side of the train. We were in the middle two of a row of seats. A boy sat next to Unlit and spoke to her. She suggested getting off the train again.

“Won’t it leave soon?” I said.

“Oh no, not for a while,” she assured me.

“I’ll leave most of my stuff here, then,” I said, thinking I could probably trust the boy to prevent anyone from stealing it.

We disembarked and the train set off. We considered jumping on, but decided it was too dangerous. “Oh, it’s Sunday,” Unlit remembered, which apparently accounted for the train’s early departure.

“Will we be able to get our stuff back?” She said no.

I didn’t know what I was going to do: I couldn’t contact my parents, since my mobile phone was on the train. We hung around at the station, most of which was outdoors, and encountered a cross between my online friends Sofie and Sae (looked like Sae, acted like Sofie), along with a bunch of other people, who we sat down to eat with. Unlit offered me food, but I said, “I don’t eat anything, as Sofie can testify.” On the wooden picnic table was a newspaper. I tried to read it, but most of it was in a Greek-like alphabet.

I eventually suggested we went to the lost property office, and ask them to get in touch with that at the destination station, so they could collect our belongings. Unlit and Sae / Sofie agreed, and we went to an octagonal room with glass walls. While they talked to the man working there, I caught sight of my reflection, and noticed that my black t-shirt had gone orange, presumably in the heat. “My t-shirt’s gone orange!” I told a boy who was also in the office.

“That’s appropriate,” he said.

“What, are you calling me a pumpkin?”

“No, the t-shirt probably got sick of you being so gothic.”

By this point, Unlit and Sae / Sofie had left, so I left the office to find myself in a dingy corridor. I saw what looked like Bryn, standing with some bloke, but I couldn’t be sure, since his clothes were shabby and what would he be doing in Argentina? It was, though.

We went into a large grassy pit with steeply sloping sides, which was apparently a zoo. Gradually, a few creatures, most of which looked like foxes, came into view. Bryn was entranced by them, and advanced into the pit. I stood back, afraid. Some of them attacked me, but I soon realised they weren’t going to bite. Still, I wanted to get out of the pit, but sleeping creatures were blocking my path. Some of them now looked very cartoon-y. Other people started entering the pit, one of them a trainspotter who was totally out of it. I through a cartoon-y owl at his head.

I woke up, then fell asleep again.

One evening, I had to go to my parents’ shop, for some reason. This was about a ten mile drive away. I returned to Brampton market place, where the rest of my family was playing a card game. I watched one round and it looked simple enough, so I asked if I could play. I played against Dad, and was most annoyed when I found the cards had changed colour and there was a rule I hadn’t been aware of. I won anyway, but complained to Mum. “Oh, were you not here when you read the instructions?” she said. “Well, here are some, but they won’t be much help.” She handed me three pamphlets. I decided to study them as soon as possible.

Dad went into the nearest pub, and I followed him in there, to tell him that I was going back to the shop. He said, “Surely you don’t need to?” I agreed that I didn’t, and said I’d go straight home. He got so angry he walked out. The girl working there offered me some sandwiches on the house. I thought they’d be mingin’, but when I sat down to eat them, they were nice.

6 September 2001: Lego And The Spice Girls

Bryn’s brother David had received a large Lego kit in the mail. He and his girlfriend put together the object in my uncle’s living room. “How long did that take you?” Bryn’s mother, or someone, asked. “Thirty three hours,” David said, although he meant “Three hours thirty minutes.” His friend James (who I does exist, I believe, but I’ve never met) said that he would order Lego except it was too expensive. David was telling him how cheaply he could get it, but James wanted it for free. The Lego came from a company called Geneder. Before I could remark that it should be called “Geender”, Bryn did.

It was June. I was in Canterbury station, except it looked more like Euston, with Will. We were going to see The Spice Girls in Old Kent Road and needed to buy tickets to get to London. After a bit of trouble, we worked out where to get them from and stood in the queue. When we got to the front, Will insisted on paying, although I wanted to. The woman at the cash desk told us that as far as getting a train back to Canterbury went, we could get the 21.22 or the 22.47, but the latter wouldn’t get back until 04.00 as it was stopping in Ramsgate.

8 September 2001: I Want Those Red Snakeskin Trousers!

It was a Friday evening and there was to be a rock society pub crawl. I was in the room I’d occupied the previous year (which is, in fact, the room I dwell in now). I’d mostly emptied it, but there was still some of my stuff inside. I tried to make it into a separate pile, so that my mother could collect it all. I kept seeing knew things that I mustn’t forget, including my werebears.

Finally, I headed up the hill to Keynes Bar, where the pub crawl was to begin. I was accompanied by a goth-ly dressed Marion and some other people. On the way, I came across a room containing a wardrobe of mine. In it were some red snakeskin trousers. “Cool!” I thought, and put them on. I was also wearing a black t-shirt. “But where did I get these from? Oh, right, it’s only a dream. Darn.” I checked my watch: it was 8.10pm, and I was afraid the others would have left Keynes Bar without me.

The next day, I was at school, although it looked like UKC, having the lessons I had on Saturday mornings in my first year at secondary school: Maths, Religion, English, double Art. I kept thinking it was Friday. The Art teacher didn’t turn up, so we all stood around outside. I said to Sheena, “Do you think it’s going to be like it was back in first year, when she never turned up? Oh, yeah, you weren’t here in first year.”

“I was here in second year,” she said (although she wasn’t really). “And I remember on 21 April 1994, we wrote messages in the ground.” I remembered too, but I was surprised she had.

The teacher didn’t turn up, and I realised that we’d been going to the lessons we would have had on Friday - that’s why she wasn’t there. (In actual fact, the schedule was a cross between Monday’s and Thursday’s). I went home, then realised I’d missed the Freshers’ Fair. I was very upset about this. I started messing around on the computer, then realised I should probably get in touch with Bryn. I decided to wait a while, though.

My Dad, my brother and I were driving in convoy from Carlisle to Canterbury. Mum was in the passenger seat of Dad’s car. Noj usually drove ahead, but he let Dad do so when we reached a place he’d christened “Funchie Dorset”, because he didn’t know what direction to go in. Shortly after that, we stopped in a car park which resembled the Viaduct car park in Carlisle. For some reason, I was wearing no shoes. We went into the town, and went to two places. The first was to hire costumes. To get in, you had to climb up a very steep slope. When we got back from the second place, to return the costumes, I refused to climb the steep slope again, but after a fashion, I ended up doing so anyway.

On the way back to the car, we stopped on some steps, where I took off my socks, and ran up and down, having a great time. Then my feet became horribly sore, and I limped and moaned all the way back to the car.