1pm: Zed has lunch, then revises mechanics and oscillations, listening to "It doesn't matter anymore" by The Supernaturals.

2pm: Zed is distracted from studies by manky hair flopping everywhere. Zed has shower, then studies more Physics to the sound of "Sci-Fi Lullabies" by Suede.

3pm: Zed revises waves, and continues to listen to "Sci-Fi Lullabies". She then attempts to help her brother Noj with a v. badly phrased Maths question which he can't do.

4pm: Zed revises spectra and reflection, listening to the Top 40.

5pm: Zed revises lenses and eyes, and is distracted by The Guinness Book of Hit Singles which she browses for several minutes.

6pm: Zed revises current electricity, then has dinner.

7pm: The Top 40 ends. Zed asks father for help with pulleys. He struggles and gives up.

8pm: Zed decides to have a quick break to check the Internet still exists. She reads several poems at TYWC and surfs through some journals. An hour has suddenly passed.

9pm: Zed revises circular motion and reads the Maths silly bus, stopping to do some questions about errors. She listens to the song "Money" by Suede on repeat play until Noj protests. She is pretty tired of it too, and puts on "Scream Dracula Scream" by Rocket from the Crypt instead.

10pm: Zed decides to play a piano piece. Her parents come in, say she is dead good at piano for someone who never really learnt to play, and find several other pieces for her to attempt. She then watches Noj IRCing and checks her e-mail.

11pm: Zed goes to bed, remarkably early. Zed invents a saying and a word. "Lose weight - go some place where there's no gravity" and "ursophile" - someone who sleeps with a teddy bear.

Monday 1 June 1998

7am: Zed wakes up with headache and gets ready for school.

8am: Zed goes to school, arrives, has registration, then assembly.

9am: Zed has double Physics. Half the class are missing since they're revising for a Chemistry module in the afternoon. Zed attempts to revise magnetism, but is distracted by tales of the Geography trip to Spain.

10.10am: Zed should have religion, but it's cancelled. She revises transformers and polymeric, amorphous and crystalline structures.

10.45am: Zed has Maths. The teacher goes over questions in specimen papers that Chris couldn't do.

11.20am: Break. Marion arrives at school four lessons late (as usual) and they talk.

11.40am: Zed has history and is given an essay. On the account of upcoming exams, she is allowed an extended deadline. Unfortunately this still only leaves one night for her to do it in. A new topic begins: Stalin, man of steel. Zed loves Russia so she is happy.

12.50pm: Zed has lunch. She attempts to do more Physics, but finds herself talking to Marion and others.

1.45pm: Zed has Maths. The teacher goes over questions in specimen papers Zed and Roe couldn't do.

2.25pm: Zed has a free lesson. She is invited to the library by Will to escape the noisy carrels. She attempts to read Maths syllabus, but is distracted by Herman trying to convince her to prevent Alice being head girl. (He wants Zed to threaten to leave the school if this happens.) Will also interrogates her, trying to get details of Zed and Marion's alleged leek relationship.

3.05pm: Zed has a tutorial and is interrogated by her tutor, trying to get details of Zed's need to go to the library with William in lesson 8.

4pm: Zed leaves school, arrives home and messes around.

5pm: Zed stops recording events in this fashion, as she wasting time.

Tuesday 2 June 1998

7am: Day starts again. As yesterday.

8am: As yesterday, except Zed registers the evil 2X.

9am: Zed and Sheena go the room 9 with their ex-English teacher where they choose photos for "Austin 98" (the school magazine). He also advises them with their "Valete" paragraphs (about the departing upper sixth people).

10.10am: Zed has History. More of Stalin, man of steel.

10.45am: Zed has Maths and does more questions.

11.20am: Break. Zed has conversation with Smill and others. Marion has yet to arrive at school.

11.40am: Zed has History, but with The Other Teacher for the first time. She starts teaching about the suffragettes.

12.15pm: Zed has Physics and revises. Smill does not wish to revise and distracts Zed.

12.50pm : Zed has lunch, then goes to a form prefects' meeting about charity week. Then, since it is raining, she and Will go and supervise 2X who are being more evil than usual.

1.45pm: Zed is meant to have General Studies. Instead she goes to the Physics lab. Smill is in General Studies and Zed revises in peace.

2.25pm: Zed has double Physics. Smill is back, and has no wish to revise. Instead she corrects everything Zed says and decides to test Zed on things Zed doesn't want to be tested on. She then starts stabbing Zed with a pencil, so Roe throws an eraser at her and Zed threatens her with a pencil case. She stops stabbing.

3.45pm: Roe informs Will of the stabbing incident. Will says, "Marion will be jealous." "You what?" says Zed. "I stab you often enough." Roe laughs and says, "Ok, then I'll leave you to it", waves his magic wand and disappears. Will asks Zed to go down to the common room. (Woo, a date!) Zed agrees. Unfortunately they encounter Smill on the way, who goes with them. Smill informs Will of Zed's threat with the pencil case. Will is deeply insulted, since he believes pencil case treatment is reserved for him alone. Smill asks Zed to play pool with her. Zed accepts. Zed is about to pot a ball, when Will yanks the cue away. Zed repositions ball and has another shot, but is now distracted and misses. Smill consequently wins, for once. Zed goes home and messes around all evening again.

4 June 1998

I got a new brace today. It really does not feel comfortable. Not only that, but the slightest flick of the tongue will make it overcome its doubts about the prevailing climate of homophobia and come out. Oh well, at least I missed a boring Physics lesson.

Today I had my Paper 1 A level Maths exam. Three hours long, I finished it in an hour and a half. There was one four-mark question (there were 116 marks in total) that I didn't like, so I spent a while trying to answer it. Then I checked the paper several times. Afterwards, one of the Maths teachers said the answer to that question was the one I'd written, so I wouldn't be entirely surprised if I got 100%. [I did, as it happens.]

Sunday 7 June 1998

On Friday Smill told me that all her teddy bears and all her stationery was male, with the exception of her four-colour pop-a- point pen. This is one of the reasons I like Smill: she's almost as insane as I am. My explanation: she's desperate for male company (the "man in her life" is a horse).

Monday 8 June 1998

Rejoice! Celebrate lots! Have some champagne! Zed is officially on the Convivium Committee! Zed takes back every insulting thing she may have said about Alice in the past! Yippee!

You'd probably like little explanation. Well, gin might be better, but I'm fresh out of that, I'm afraid. Come back tomorrow and I might have some. (I'm desperate for readers!) Anyway, Convivium is the posh word for "sixth form debate" which is every other week during the winter months, at which I make silly speeches. Anyway, Alice (who has been made Head of Convivium - typical!) and the head of sixth form were discussing who to have on next year's committee and Alice said, "I want Zed!" So I'm on!

I have a Maths exam tomorrow, but do you think I'm revising? Nah. On Friday and today we missed a lesson, because none of us could think of things we wanted to go over. I'm not as happy about this exam as I was about the last one - this one's a lot of statistics and mechanics, which I find harder than pure maths. But I'm not panicking. Instead I'm going to type out my history essay.

Sometimes I think I'm being two faced, but I'm actually so four-sided it's not funny. Me neither, though, so it's in good company.

Tuesday 9 June 1998

Today I had my second and final Maths paper. It wasn't easy. (But nothing i-is!) That is to say, it took me two hours out of three to finish it, not one and a half. I wouldn't say it was the most lovely maths paper I've ever laid eyes on and I want to have its babies (equations, I'd imagine), but it wasn't bad.

After that, I had Physics, Lunch, Young Enterprise, General Studies, Physics and more Physics. In the first Physics lesson, I did no work. I talked to Smill. Lunch was tasty. Young Enterprise was boring and I played with some kid's spellmaster, which was fun. General Studies was computers as usual, and since I finished the course weeks ago and I'd brought in a disc with Bloxed (multi-player Tetris) on, so I played that with Will, then with Chris. I won every game. The teacher didn't care. In Physics I did no work again. I talked to Smill for a while, then to the boys about weird stuff like the size of the universe, then to the other girls about less weird stuff. I have a Physics exam tomorrow, which is a little worrying but I doubt I'll revise.

Thursday 11 June 1998

Today I was looking after 2X during mass period and they were as aevil as usual. They asked, "Do you like Roe?"

They've already suspected me of liking Roe since he took mass with me twice and when asked, "Do you like Zed?" responded "Not really" which they took the wrong way. So I answered instantly, "No."

"So do you like gay Chris N then?" they persisted. "Don't be so nasty," I said (since they used the word as an insult, and an inaccurate one at that).

"Do you like Will then?" they asked. And before I had a chance to answer, there were delighted shrieks of "She fancies Will!" Denying it did no good whatsoever.

Then it was seminars and Will was doing his on films. A week earlier, he asked everyone to fill in questionnaires asking, "What is your favourite film? Who is your favourite director?" etc. And everyone who answered would be entered in a prize draw to win two cinema tickets. Initially I filled it in sensibly, but I decided to do some silly answers. So for "Favourite Director" I wrote "Helen Wo, quality director of Wood be Goods." And for, "What was the first film you remember seeing? How did it affect you?" I wrote a load of bunkum. Well, Will really liked this, and showed it to everyone in his seminar group and gave me the tickets! Which is cool, but in most people's eyes, a bit suspicious.

I spent lesson 8 painting jigsaws with Alice, Smill, Roe and Will. After that, I had to go to history, and Will tried to prevent me from leaving the room. (We paint in this little room under the gym. It's somewhat noisy when people start playing basketball upstairs.) When he let me go, we walked up to the main school building. He was being v. aevil, so I grabbed his arm suddenly, preventing him from advancing towards the school building. And all these kids were coming out of the science / technology block, yelling, "Woo! Get in there William!"

As if that wasn't bad enough, after school I played Bloxed with Roe (and won 4-0.) And flippin' Mairi The Psychopath (who's in 2X, but goes to mass, so I don't have to look after her, thank Mykos) was in the computer room saying, "I've been hearing rumours about you and William! You fancy him, don't you?" And Alice said, "Oh, everyone knows that anyway." Well, thanks a lot Alice! I thought you were my biggest fan!

Yesterday I had my second Psychics paper and finished, once again, in half the time. And now all my public exams are over! Yes! I played pool at break with Roe and Smill. And won. Then they both had a double free, while I had double history. But since the teacher wasn't at school, we played more pool. This isn't a recognised use of study periods, but none of us had any work. And we'd just had an exam, so we needed to calm down or something . . . Anyway, Roe and Smill were ok for once. (They're arch enemies.) Unfortunately, since I was winning, they joined forces and distracted me lots and after that I consequently started losing games.

In games we got to play tennis. Yippee! I played against Alice for the first lesson, then we played doubles with my old Science teacher and David. When I played with my old Science teacher, we won 4-0, but when I played with David we lost 3-1. After school, I played Bloxed with Roe and won 12-0. Bwahaha.

Today I spent lunch time and break playing pool with Smill. Alas! She's starting to beat me! It was a 2-2 draw today.

Finally I'm back on track as far as lessons are concerned. In the last two weeks, they've just been revision and exams and general pantsness. But today we did the astronomical telescope in Physics, and complex numbers in Maths. Yay! I've been longing to do complex numbers since I was about thirteen. My maths teacher kept saying, "You'll get to do them next year" but by the time next year came, they'd have moved up to the syllabus for the next exam. But finally, I've caught up with them. Bwahaha, there's no escaping me now, two-plus-root-negative-six!

I got a letter from UMIST (a university) today. They sent me stuff about computing at UMIST. It's exciting! But I don't want to go there anymore. I was just telling my Physics teacher I was going to a UMIST open day on 17th June when Natalie said, "No, no, no! You DO NOT want to go to Manchester! There's been four murders in the last year, loads of violence and there's drug wars going on!" So no ta Kenneth. I don't suppose other big cities are any better, though, so now I'm seriously considering the University of Axweld-on-Sea.

And alas! I am forever doomed indeed! On Monday I was looking after 2X and reading Katie A's notebook. In typical second-year style, it was filled with "Someone loves someone else so many percent" things. Well, just in case any member of 2X even thinks about it, I tried my name and Will's. And got 15% Yes! And then I tried using my middle name, and got 28% Still not exactly scandalous. So I tried the other way and got 75% AYP! And then I tried the other way taking out my middle name. And got . . . the numbers just kept getting bigger and bigger! And you know what that means? You got it - eternal love.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!!!!! It's not true, I tell you, it's not!

Monday 15 June 1998

Two-nil, two-nil, two-nil! Two-nil, two-o-nil, two-o-ni-i-il! Vindaloo! Vindaloo! Even long shots make it . . . It's coming home, it's coming home, it's coming, football's coming- SHUT UP!

I was fed up with the world cup before it even started. It's just beyond a joke, a third of the men in England taking time off work to watch football (by which I mean soccer). I watched a lot of World Cup in 1990, but since then, I've been very uninterested. Even when Carlisle (the only team I relatively support) played this really important match, I only watched about half of it.

Today the first England match started at 1.30 and loads of people assembled in the common room at lunchtime to watch the kick-off. Me and Marion and Smill were playing pool (and me and Marion won four times out of four, because Smill potted the black prematurely four times). But as I potted a ball, all the TV viewers went, "Shh!!!" And when all the England players went out onto the pitch, people were clapping! Clapping at a TV screen . . . right. . . And you thought I was mad?

At the end of lunch time, I went back to the carrels with Will. We encountered Alice, who said, "Someone should separate you two". So I muttered, "Someone should separate HER" which Will found highly amusing. I then had Maths, then in my free lessons I was "running" for an exam. Since lower sixth people constantly have to "run" for GCSEs and A levels, everyone's always saying, "I've just been running" and people always reply, "Running? You?"

Afterwards, I had a tutorial, which I was slightly late for since I waited for Will who was going in the same direction. When I explained why I was late, Mrs Woodward said, "At first I thought you weren't in school, but then I thought, aha! she'll be keeping William company!" And so it continued: she asked me about Will's seminar and how interested he was in film. Then she made me fill in this form about extracurricular activities and interests and junk, and when she read the interests part, she said, "Why haven't you included talking to William?" And at the end she said, "You'd better go early to keep William company."

After school I played pool with Smill and Roe and Paul. I lost three times, twice by prematurely potting the black. I had to go home at 4.15pm and returned to the carrels to collect my belongings. Where I encountered Alice who asked, "And WHAT have YOU been doing?" suspiciously.

Oh, I neglected to mention that on my way to the exam hall, I passed some 2X members, saying stuff about me and Will as well.

Yay! It's sports day tomorrow! I'm doing long jump, which I haven't done for a year and I can barely jump 2.50m. Which isn't very far, considering some of the girls in my year get 3.50m. Not only that, but this year it's not in the school field in front of a tape-measure geezer, a distance-recorder and a rake-ist. No, it's at the Sheepmount Stadium in front of three hundred people who can all jump further than me! And usually we get to miss lessons on sports day, but we're having the first five lessons.

I discovered last night that during August 97 I spelled "mimph" with a y: "mymph." So we shall finish with this incredibly profound statement:

Mymph.

Wednesday 17 June 1998

FORTUNATELY Marion bothered to come to school today, albeit two lessons late.
UNFORTUNATELY she left again at lunch time, promising to return, but didn't.

FORTUNATELY I got to play pool with Smill and Roe and they didn't murder each other.
UNFORTUNATELY I lost several games, and Roe insisted on having the little gadgety thing in the pool table that gets rid of the balls. Which is completely superfluous because you can get rid of the balls without it. And I crashed into it twice, bruising my thigh. When I complained, Roe ignored me and Smill said, "WELL YOU SHOULDN'T STAND SO CLOSE TO THE TABLE THEN SHOULD YOU!" Argh!

FORTUNATELY I got to play tennis during double Games.
UNFORTUNATELY me and the teacher played against Smill and my old science teacher. Despite Smill's inability to serve (she puts too much spin on the ball), it was about a draw.

FORTUNATELY Will skived school so I received no Comments.
UNFORTUNATELY I missed him.

FORTUNATELY Smill offered me a lift to the Edinburgh University Open Day on Friday, so I miss History, double Physics and triple Maths.
UNFORTUNATELY several hours in the company of Smill plus her mother doesn't appeal terribly.

FORTUNATELY I answered some e-mail for once.
UNFORTUNATELY I remained totally uninspired fiction/poetry-wise.

FORTUNATELY my clarinet lesson was half an hour earlier than usual, thus dividing up my two hours at school after lessons ended more evenly.
UNFORTUNATELY after my lesson there was no one around and I was bored.

UNFORTUNATELY I'm meant to be taking "prep" next Thursday, am unable to, and when attempting to switch with Smill, she refused.
FORTUNATELY this means I might not have to take prep at all. Yay!

FORTUNATELY I only had Maths homework on the condition that the teacher could find a text book for me.
UNFORTUNATELY he did.

FORTUNATELY there are only twelve days of school left.
UNFORTUNATELY it's been a relatively good year that's passed too quickly and my summer will be boring and hiungestive.

FORTUNATELY boring Religion was cancelled today.
UNFORTUNATELY the teacher will be very upset to know that there is no unfortunately in my opinion.

Thursday 18 June 1998

I told the head of lower sixth about the prep situation, and he said, nil problemo, he'll do it for me. Yay!

Smill informed me that she and her mother could take me to Edinburgh, but couldn't bring me back, so now I'm going by train avec Alice, Katie and Helen Wo.

Smill had a dream about Will marrying Helen Wi. I think it's a good sign.

Since my History lessons are cancelled next week and the rest of the school is doing exams, my Maths teacher has decided to give us about eight hundred zillion lessons. Arg! (Literally : arg(z) = 0.5 and other fun complex-number-ish things.)

The flippin' pool table thingammybob was back in the table! Today I hurt my hand on it!

Will said he was ill yesterday, then said, "Well, I thought about coming in but didn't see the point." We had a long tug-of-war with the pool cue.

My dad got back from a music fair in London. He didn't bring me back a Duran Duran album this year. Mimph.

Wednesday 24 June 1998

On Sunday I went to Family Fete Day. The Young Enterprise stall made £40.50 and all our surplus stock is being bought. On Monday afternoon I had a history exam. Having not revised previously (oops), after helping Chris move a load of cups, I spent all Monday morning frantically making notes trying to absorb something. By mid-afternoon, my hand was killing me. But I got an A and came second in the class. I only got 62%, but that's a borderline A. (60% for an A.) Anything more is impossible. Ok, so He Who Came First Got 78% but let's not go into that.

It is pants. This week is officially exam week and the lower sixth are meant to have study leave. But since the Further Maths, Physics and Chemistry people have just taken public exams this term, no school exams for them. And therefore Roe had no school exams (he does Further Maths and Physics), I had just one exam on Monday, Chris no longer does Maths, and there's no one else in my Maths group. So the teacher said, right, we'll have a billion maths lessons this week. So from Tuesday to Friday, I'm stuck at school having three maths lessons a day and six frees. And it is sooooo boring. Yesterday, I spent my frees sanding a jigsaw, talking to Marion and playing pool and Bloxed with Roe. Today I spent my frees doing school magazine stuff, doing Maths homework and sitting in front of the computer, bored senseless. (Roe was busy with magazine-y stuff.) While everyone else is on STUDY LEAVE FOR THE WHOLE WEEK, even those who just had one exam on Monday morning! MIMPH!!!

That probably didn't make much sense, but never mind. Last night I worked on !Love (my computer program) and it now works! Wooha! My first intelligent original program! Well, the idea isn't exactly intelligent (it calculates the love factor between two people, something only an eleven year old would care about), but the calculations are very nifty and skilled. Tis rather long-winded, but who cares? Not I, said the snail. Today I showed it to Roe. He approved.

Tomorrow after school it's the Young Enterprise Annual General Meeting. Mog made a video of us at work (although it's most Alice's legs) and since I have this nasty habit of offering my services when I really shouldn't, it's my duty to edit it. So that's my task for the evening / night. I've also got to sort out the accounts by tomorrow. Arg!

Thursday 25 June 1998

I showed !Love (my computer program) to Alice, Smill and Will. I thought the best score would be Helen Wo and Herman (which everyone has been rejoicing over since we figured it out five years ago - 94%) but Will, still convinced Marion and myself are having a leek (lesbian geek) relationship, typed in our names.

99%? AAAGH!!! He laughed so much that one of the teachers came into the computer room and went psychotic about all the noise.