ELL

Reader, do you desire a passionate and exciting narrative? One filled with startling incidents, pain, betrayal, but also of joy, new life and discovery? Of horror and beauty combined? Do you desire a thrilling tale that will change your life forever?

Then you had best look elsewhere. My summer term was filled with none of these things and I guarantee it won't.

I was not really in a 'term time' mood upon my return. I nearly forgot my CD player (player player player), we had to turn round as I forgot my bag (which contains everything that I need and doubles as a security blanket) and when we reached Keynes I found I had forgotten my toaster and pan. The former I replaced at the campus shop but the latter had to be sent. Still I did manage to get En and Zed to help carry my stuff upstairs - but they were rewarded with chocolate cake. We then spent an evening doing sod all.

My exams were - as might be expected - less than lots of fun. In my first week I had an Italian Oral and Aural exam. The former took place on a drab Tuesday afternoon, the sky a leaden grey, the room filled with we anxious souls awaiting their dreaded test, our stomachs turning, nails bitten to the quick, teeth chattering. One by one we watched our bold comrades vanish into the adjoining room - never to be seen again. (Except when they came to collect their stuff and to boast that it was easy to the remaining ones.) Finally I was the only one left. I waited in fear until it was my turn and I went to face my destiny.

Actually it was not too bad as I had the very delectable Signor Rizzi (who is living proof that Italian men are as sexy as hell - even in brown cords and sludge green jumpers!) Alas I was trying to think of suitable words to answer his boring questions -Che studi?' 'Studio anthropologia. Penso ch'é interesante'- so I couldn't make the most of the opportunity -'so, is it true that Italian men are the world's best lovers? I'm very interested to know [nonchalantly stroking his jumper]' - or ' tell me - what do you think of short, dumpy, plain brunettes? We may not look much but there's more to us than meets the eye [cue naught smile and wink]' or 'I know my Italian is bad sir - would you give me extra tuition? I'm sure you're very good in all areas'.

Fortunately for him he has now left UKC!

My other exams were boring. I had private panics but I survived.

In other exciting news - En did not record this at the end of last term so I'll do it now. I have seen the real Bagpuss! I was absolutely thrilled. Oliver Postgate was giving a lecture about his films. He signed my copy of his autobiography and everything! More interestingness - he was wearing the same jumper that he wears on the back cover photograph of said magnum opus! Well I was thrilled. I am sure there are better ways to spend a Sunday - but not many.

We had many cinema visits. We went to see the Father Ted marathon; Zed and I saw Last resort, which was good, and lots of others. I went to just about everything. By the end of it all I was all filmed out.

Equally pleasant was the weather. I was glad to be able to revise outside, listening to the wind in the trees and the ducks quack in Keynes duck pond. I am told Keynestock was goodish. I quite enjoyed the bit I heard in the workroom (a cunning ploy - I did not have to pay!). And my last week was totally examless so I spent the hours outside reading. If I ever go to heaven I would want a good book, a pleasant site and good weather. I had all three there and without even having to die! B, Zed and I took to taking long walks and in that last week I got to know campus better than ever, I learned the meaning of the word 'oast' (shock horror! I did not know the meaning of a word!) and saw some exquisite graves at Harbledown! It was great. Just as Zed's and my visit to the seaside was. We loved the 'tele-go-round' quite the naffest seaside attraction I have ever seen (and I've seen a few). The tv characters were for the most part unrecognisable - and what was 'Wiggli Willi'? I knew there was a lot of dodgy stuff on these days but . . .

EN

Under pressure

Of course this is the term otherwise known as The Exam Term, so, rather unsurprisingly, we all had exams. Revising for exams is stressful enough, even if you do "only" have to pass. No one revises just to get the exact 40% average that one needs to progress to the next year. One needs every percentage one can get to compensate for any potential disasters that might occur in other exams. Unfortunately, I had to get higher marks than most people in order to get into the course I wanted. In order to change from my joint honours Economics course to Law, I needed to get at least 60% in Intro to Law. Over the course of my first year at uni, I became increasingly bored with Economics & increasingly interested in Law (my "wild" module is Intro To Law).

Law holds my attention (which is no mean feat seeing as I possess the concentration span of a goldfish). What I find interesting about it are the ways in which the courts arrive at verdicts & what the verdict tells us about the politics & values that are rooted in the legal system & the state. For some reason, I actually remember a lot of what I've studied (I also actually bothered to attend lectures & I get much higher marks than I do in Economics). The subject also suits my questioning attitude.

I revised quite well for my exams but was very easily distracted by the Internet. I got really worried about wasting so much time & really had to haul myself to the library so that I could concentrate. I thought I would have to retake Intro, would fail Economics & would not get the marks I needed, especially as I'm chronically bad at structuring my essays. The way I saw it, it was Law at UKC or nothing. There was no way I was going to Economics next year - I didn't enjoy it & if forced to continue, I'd probably scrape a pass.

Don't worry, be happy

Despite seeing most of the exam period through grey-tinted glasses, I did manage to have some fun.

I encountered The Sleeve in the library one day after a hard day's revision. I'd only spoken to him once or twice & that was usually just to say "Hi" but this time we ended up doing the Park Wood-Keynes circuits several billion times in the freezing cold & ended up talking to each other for four hours straight. We found out that we have quite a few similar tastes & interests. It's great to find another person who's as mad as I am. After that, we bumped into each other virtually every day & so now we're buddies. As Ell would say: "Huzzah!"

Viewers of Zed's website may've heard of a postgrad who I worship from afar (well, not that far afar seeing as I keep on bumping into him so often) & whom Ell & Zed have decided to nickname Walter because none of us know his real name & they are trying to put me off him by writing his (fictional) life story. (You guys, it's not working! :) [Alas, poor us! - (z)Ed]) Yes, there were some "Walter" sightings over the exam period and yes, I did attempt to try & speak to him. Unfortunately, I didn't have the guts to actually do so. Which is insane because I'm nearly twenty. I don't usually act like this, it's just that I see him as really unattainable & therefore I'm nervous every time I'm around him. Mr Dover was in my Sadistics class and so was relatively approachable & I knew R as a friend before I started to think of him in not a very platonic way. But this postgrad I know nothing about. I must do something about my nervousness. Starting next term, I will try to get to know him - if he's still at UKC, that is.

I saw several films such as "Breakfast At Tiffany's", "House Of Mirth" (for the second time, admittedly not that great a film & a bit depressing but Eric Stoltz is in it) & "Chocolat". The best of these was "Chocolat" - the film was great, I was in a good mood anyway & saw it with two fabulous individuals (Zed [aw, thanks!] & The Sleeve). It's a great feel good film & it made us all especially hungry. We felt a trip to Keynes College vending machines was in order in order to devour some of that yummy subsance. I mean, what did you really expect us to eat after seeing "Chocolat"? Cabbage?!

My last day of exams was a great day (May 31st, if you're curious). I had Maths in the morning but after that ate lunch & cookies (Me love Cookies!) with The Sleeve & then go into town with The Sleeve & Ell to shop & have my hair cut. And a very nice hair cut it was too. Lots of nice flattering layers. Later, I met up with The Sleeve & other friends in Keynes Bar and then went on to 90s night at Tha Venoooo with Ell & Zed. The music was really bad so I left early but at least I got to spend the evening with The Sisters Of Weirdness. The next day, I packed my suitcases, went to look around our house for next year & then went home. Thus endeth my first year of uni. Please let me get into Law. All my fingers & toes are crossed . . .

ZED

So much happened to me in the summer term, that I ended up writing a 20000-word-long online journal entry about it, but I would hope you have better things to do than read it. Therefore, I shall present you with a highly summarised version of its events.

Let's deal with the bad stuff first:

Firstly, but not for the first time, I was plagued by computer problems. I spent more of the term with a broken computer than I did with a working one. Attempts to fix it involved consulting virtually every Computer Scientist at UKC, buying a new power supply only to discover that it didn't work and I'd lost the receipt, dragging huge boxes around campus (ok, holding doors open while B and Ell dragged them around, for I am a weakling), and waiting in frustration while the workers' at my parents' shop and the parcel delivery company were astoundingly inept. Mind you, this did not prevent me from spending most of the time when I should have been studying on the Internet, in my college's computer room.

Secondly, as per usual, I spent a large percentage of the term full of cold and barely able to speak.

Thirdly, there were these pesky things called exams. I believe I had the most punishing schedule out of everyone I know: seven in the space of ten days. Consequently, I slept for about four hours each night, and despite my resulting tiredness, I couldn't seem to catch up on lost slumber in the days that followed them. Mind you, I did finish mine before Ell, En and B finished theirs, and none of them went too badly either.

Now, on to happier matters:

Due to all the good films showing on nights before I had exams, I went to the cinema rather less often than usual this term. That said, I still went to see "Rugrats In Paris" (slightly childish; B loved it), "The Hole" (flippin' amazing), a "Father Ted" marathon (funny, of course), "Enter The Dragon" (dodgy flares but great fight sequences), "Blade Runner" (good, but made me slightly nauseous), "Chocolat" (scrummy), "The Mummy Returns" (the final sequence was a bit of a let down, but the rest was good) and "Last Resort" (what was wrong with that wall paper?) in the space of six weeks (the final two on the same day), so I guess that's not too bad.

I went to The Venue three times. I had to miss an 80s night and indie night due to exams, but managed to go to them both once. The 80s night wasn't great: I think I've been to too many and a geenic singer called Jaki Graham was performing. The indie night compensated for it, however, by better than usual. The third was a 90s night, and by gum, Chewits and Mars Bars, I wish I hadn't bothered! I didn't really know what to expect, but I thought cheese would be on the menu. But not a crumb of it in sight: just incessant bumphtastic commercial dance. I stuck around for KWS, who were performing, since I knew they were responsible for a song I really liked. However, I had to leave before they played it, they were so bad.

Oh, I'm sorry, I'm supposed to be talking about happy stuff here, aren't I? Well, I temporarily became a regular at Slimelight. I went with B one week; then, the following Saturday, my online friend from Belgium was in London, so we spent the day together there, and I introduced her to the joys of the club in question that night.

I went to the theatre for the first time since getting to university and saw "Faustus". I also went to a talk given by Anne Fine (a famous children's author, responsible for the book upon which "Mrs Doubtfire" was based), whose autograph I managed to acquire. I also went to two concerts: Hazel O'Connor - I got her autograph too - and Alice Cooper. Sadly, I didn't get his autograph, but it was a jolly good show, helped by the presence of a Britney Spears lookalike and Brian May (Queen's guitarist).

I went to Keynestock (the annual battle of the bands that happens at UKC). It was a beautiful day, and consequently, I got burnt to a crisp. Fortunately, no one tried to eat me. (I tried to buy sunscreen, but I refused to pay ten pounds for something I'd probably only need once.)

I went to a medieval banquet. Well, actually, it was just a normal dinner with a disco afterwards, except everyone was wearing Norman clothes. For the first time since I was eight years old, I won a prize in the raffle. B tried to convince the people in charge to award me with sexy underwear, but I only got a bar of nougat. B only got a bag of Cola Bottles, though, so it could have been worse.

Ell and I spent a day beside the seaside, beside the sea, in Herne Bay. We built a sandcastle, or a sandcarstle, as she'd call it, and due to the substandard sand and our lack of recent building experience, it was more like a sandruin. We spent all our two-pences (how extravagant!) on the "Tele-Go-Round", possibly the stupidest, crappiest and coolest machine ever invented. When you insert a coin, a character from a children's television programme emerges from behind a door, moves back and forth a bit to some tinny music. We were particularly distraught by a gyrating plant thing called "Wiggli Willi".

I went to a barbecue and discovered that I am not the only person who uses their student loan to buy toys. However, because it is my opinion that Lego and Transformers are Cool, but soft toys are Soppy And Therefore Evil, B spent a large amount of the term tormenting me with a stuffed eel in the campus shop. (We went there a lot, solely because En wanted a chance of seeing Walter.) I dyed my hair black again, only for the sun to instantly give me roots. I played "Simon The Sorcerer" and its sequel a lot, and watched B playing "Dune II" a lot, which drove me demented since the words "Harkonnen Harvester deployed" were announced every two minutes. Ell, B and myself started walking around campus a lot in the evenings, and one night ended up in the graveyard of the neighbouring town, where Ell was overyojed to discover intricate 18th century graves.

Ell and En went home on the final Friday of term, and B went on a pub crawl, so I spent the last night of term in the computer room. There were other people there, though, so I can't be completely sad . . .