10 REM © C.Z. Warnes, 1998
   20 PRINT "This ultra-stupid program allows you to calculate how much two people love, hate or like each other, and how aevil,   scanky, pants or wenchular someone is."
   30 PRINT ""
   40 PRINT "Use capital letters or DIE!"
   50 PRINT "Would you like to calculate the 1) Love  2) Hate  3) Like  4) Aevil  5)  Scank  6) Pants or 7) Wench factor?"
   60 INPUT F$
   61 IF F$="1" THEN GOTO 100
   62 IF F$="2" THEN GOTO 200
   63 IF F$="3" THEN GOTO 300
   64 IF F$="4" THEN GOTO 400
   65 IF F$="5" THEN GOTO 500
   66 IF F$="6" THEN GOTO 600
   67 IF F$="7" THEN GOTO 700
   70 PRINT "Answer the question, you big freak!"
   80 GOTO 60
  100 LET L$="L"
  101 LET O$="O"
  102 LET V$="V"
  103 LET E$="E"
  104 LET S$="S"
  105 GOTO 800
  200 LET L$="H"
  201 LET O$="A"
  202 LET V$="T"
  203 LET E$="E"
  204 LET S$="S"
  205 GOTO 800
  300 LET L$="L"
  301 LET O$="I"
  302 LET V$="K"
  303 LET E$="E"
  304 LET S$="S"
  305 GOTO 800
  400 LET L$="A"
  401 LET O$="E"
  402 LET V$="V"
  403 LET E$="I"
  404 LET S$="L"
  405 GOTO 900
  500 LET L$="S"
  501 LET O$="C"
  502 LET V$="A"
  503 LET E$="N"
  504 LET S$="K"
  505 GOTO 900
  600 LET L$="P"
  601 LET O$="A"
  602 LET V$="N"
  603 LET E$="T"
  604 LET S$="S"
  605 GOTO 900
  700 LET L$="W"
  701 LET O$="E"
  701 LET V$="N"
  702 LET E$="C"
  703 LET S$="H"
  705 GOTO 900
  800 PRINT "Input Name #1"
  801 INPUT Name1$
  802 LET A=0
  803 LET Z=0
  804 LET check=INSTR(RIGHT$(Name1$,LEN(Name1$)-Z),L$)
  805 IF check=0 THEN GOTO 809
  806 LET Z=Z+check
  807 LET A=A+1
  808 GOTO 804
  809 LET B=0
  810 LET Y=0
  811 LET check=INSTR(RIGHT$(Name1$,LEN(Name1$)-Y),O$)
  812 IF check=0 THEN GOTO 816
  813 LET Y=Y+check
  814 LET B=B+1
  815 GOTO 811
  816 LET C=0
  817 LET X=0
  818 LET check=INSTR(RIGHT$(Name1$,LEN(Name1$)-X),V$)
  819 IF check=0 THEN GOTO 823
  820 LET X=X+check
  821 LET C=C+1
  822 GOTO 818
  823 LET D=0
  824 LET W=0
  825 LET check=INSTR(RIGHT$(Name1$,LEN(Name1$)-W),E$)
  826 IF check=0 THEN GOTO 830
  827 LET W=W+check
  828 LET D=D+1
  829 GOTO 825
  830 LET E=0
  831 LET V=0
  832 LET check=INSTR(RIGHT$(Name1$,LEN(Name1$)-V),S$)
  833 IF check=0 THEN GOTO 837
  834 LET V=V+check
  835 LET E=E+1
  836 GOTO 832
  837 PRINT "Input Name #2"
  838 INPUT Name2$
  839 LET Z=0
  840 LET check=INSTR(RIGHT$(Name2$,LEN(Name2$)-Z),L$)
  841 IF check=0 THEN GOTO 845
  842 LET Z=Z+check
  843 LET A=A+1
  844 GOTO 840
  845 LET Y=0
  846 LET check=INSTR(RIGHT$(Name2$,LEN(Name2$)-Y),O$)
  847 IF check=0 THEN GOTO 851
  848 LET Y=Y+check
  849 LET B=B+1
  850 GOTO 846
  851 LET X=0
  852 LET check=INSTR(RIGHT$(Name2$,LEN(Name2$)-X),V$)
  853 IF check=0 THEN GOTO 857
  854 LET X=X+check
  855 LET C=C+1
  856 GOTO 852
  857 LET W=0
  858 LET check=INSTR(RIGHT$(Name2$,LEN(Name2$)-W),E$)
  859 IF check=0 THEN GOTO 863
  860 LET W=W+check
  861 LET D=D+1
  862 GOTO 858
  863 LET V=0
  864 LET check=INSTR(RIGHT$(Name2$,LEN(Name2$)-V),S$)
  865 IF check=0 THEN GOTO 869
  866 LET V=V+check
  867 LET E=E+1
  868 GOTO 864
  869 GOTO 1087
  900 PRINT "Input Name #1"
  901 INPUT Name1$
  902 LET A=0
  903 LET Z=0
  904 LET check=INSTR(RIGHT$(Name1$,LEN(Name1$)-Z),L$)
  905 IF check=0 THEN GOTO 909
  906 LET Z=Z+check
  907 LET A=A+1
  908 GOTO 904
  909 LET B=0
  910 LET Y=0
  911 LET check=INSTR(RIGHT$(Name1$,LEN(Name1$)-Y),O$)
  912 IF check=0 THEN GOTO 916
  913 LET Y=Y+check
  914 LET B=B+1
  915 GOTO 911
  916 LET C=0
  917 LET X=0
  918 LET check=INSTR(RIGHT$(Name1$,LEN(Name1$)-X),V$)
  919 IF check=0 THEN GOTO 923
  920 LET X=X+check
  921 LET C=C+1
  922 GOTO 918
  923 LET D=0
  924 LET W=0
  925 LET check=INSTR(RIGHT$(Name1$,LEN(Name1$)-W),E$)
  926 IF check=0 THEN GOTO 930
  927 LET W=W+check
  928 LET D=D+1
  929 GOTO 925
  930 LET E=0
  931 LET V=0
  932 LET check=INSTR(RIGHT$(Name1$,LEN(Name1$)-V),S$)
  933 IF check=0 THEN GOTO 1087
  934 LET V=V+check
  935 LET E=E+1
  936 GOTO 932
 1087 IF A>9 THEN GOTO 5800
 1088 IF B>9 THEN GOTO 5800
 1089 IF C>9 THEN GOTO 5800
 1090 IF D>9 THEN GOTO 5800
 1091 IF E>9 THEN GOTO 5800
 1110 PRINT A;B;C;D;E
 1120 LET F=A+B
 1130 LET G=B+C
 1140 LET H=C+D
 1150 LET I=D+E
 1160 PRINT F;G;H;I
 1170 IF F>9 GOTO 1300
 1180 IF G>9 GOTO 1400
 1190 IF H>9 GOTO 1500
 1200 IF I>9 GOTO 1600
 1210 LET J=F+G
 1220 LET K=G+H
 1230 LET L=H+I
 1240 PRINT J;K;L
 1250 IF J>9 GOTO 1700
 1260 IF K>9 GOTO 2000
 1270 IF L>9 GOTO 3000
 1280 LET M=J+K
 1281 LET N=K+L
 1282 PRINT M;N
 1283 IF M>9 THEN GOTO 4000
 1284 IF N>9 THEN GOTO 5000
 1285 IF F$="1" THEN PRINT "Wow! "Name1$ " loves "Name2$" ";M;N"%"
 1286 IF F$="2" THEN PRINT "Heech! "Name1$ " hates "Name2$" ";M;N"%"
 1287 IF F$="3" THEN PRINT "Cool! "Name1$ " likes "Name2$" ";M;N"%"
 1288 IF F$="4" THEN PRINT "Ayp! "Name1$ " is ";M;N"% aevil!"
 1289 IF F$="5" THEN PRINT "Blarg! "Name1$ " is ";M;N"% scanky!"
 1290 IF F$="6" THEN PRINT "Mimph! "Name1$ " is ";M;N"% pants!"
 1291 IF F$="7" THEN PRINT "Heurgh! "Name1$ " is ";M;N"% wenchular!"
 1292 PRINT "Again (Y/N)?"
 1293 INPUT AGAIN$
 1284 IF AGAIN$="Y" THEN GOTO 50
 1295 IF AGAIN$="N" THEN GOTO 6000
 1296 PRINT "I said, 'Again (Y/N)?'"
 1297 GOTO 1293
 1300 IF G>9 THEN GOTO 1330
 1310 IF H>9 THEN GOTO 1360
 1320 IF I>9 THEN GOTO 1380
 1321 LET A=1
 1322 LET B=F-10
 1323 LET C=G
 1324 LET D=H
 1325 LET E=I
 1326 GOTO 1120
 1330 IF H>9 THEN GOTO 5700
 1331 IF I>9 THEN GOTO 5700
 1333 LET O=1
 1334 LET P=F-10
 1335 LET Q=1
 1336 LET R=G-10
 1337 LET S=H
 1338 LET T=I
 1339 GOTO 5500
 1360 IF I>9 THEN GOTO 5700
 1361 LET O=1
 1362 LET P=F-10
 1363 LET Q=G
 1364 LET R=1
 1365 LET S=H-10
 1366 LET T=I
 1367 GOTO 5500
 1380 LET O=1
 1381 LET P=F-10
 1382 LET Q=G
 1383 LET R=H
 1384 LET S=1
 1385 LET T=I-10
 1386 GOTO 5500
 1400 IF H>9 THEN GOTO 1430
 1401 IF I>9 THEN GOTO 1460
 1402 LET A=F
 1403 LET B=1
 1404 LET C=G-10
 1405 LET D=H
 1406 LET E=I
 1407 GOTO 1120
 1430 IF I>9 THEN GOTO 5700
 1431 LET O=F
 1432 LET P=1
 1433 LET Q=G-10
 1434 LET R=1
 1435 LET S=H-10
 1434 LET T=I
 1435 GOTO 5500
 1460 LET O=F
 1461 LET P=1
 1462 LET Q=G-10
 1463 LET R=H
 1464 LET S=1
 1465 LET T=I-10
 1466 GOTO 5500
 1500 IF I>9 THEN GOTO 1550
 1501 LET A=F
 1502 LET B=G
 1503 LET C=1
 1504 LET D=H-10
 1505 LET E=I
 1506 GOTO 1120
 1550 LET O=F
 1551 LET P=G
 1552 LET Q=1
 1553 LET R=H-10
 1554 LET S=1
 1555 LET T=I-10
 1556 GOTO 5500
 1600 LET A=F
 1601 LET B=G
 1602 LET C=H
 1603 LET D=1
 1604 LET E=I-10
 1605 GOTO 1120
 1700 IF K>9 THEN GOTO 1800
 1701 IF L>9 THEN GOTO 1900
 1702 LET F=1
 1703 LET G=J-10
 1704 LET H=K
 1705 LET I=L
 1706 GOTO 1210
 1800 IF L>9 THEN GOTO 1950
 1801 LET A=1
 1802 LET B=J-10
 1803 LET C=1
 1804 LET D=K-10
 1805 LET E=L
 1806 GOTO 1120
 1900 LET A=1
 1901 LET B=J-10
 1902 LET C=K
 1903 LET D=1
 1904 LET E=L-10
 1905 GOTO 1120
 1950 LET O=1
 1951 LET P=J-10
 1952 LET Q=1
 1953 LET R=K-10
 1954 LET S=1
 1955 LET T=L-10
 1956 GOTO 5500
 2000 IF L>9 THEN GOTO 2500
 2001 LET F=J
 2002 LET G=1
 2003 LET H=K-10
 2004 LET I=L
 2005 GOTO 1210
 2500 LET A=J
 2501 LET B=1
 2502 LET C=K-10
 2503 LET D=1
 2504 LET E=L-10
 2505 GOTO 1120
 3000 LET F=J
 3001 LET G=K
 3002 LET H=1
 3002 LET I=L-10
 3003 GOTO 1210
 4000 IF N>9 THEN GOTO 4500
 4001 LET J=1
 4002 LET K=M-10
 4003 LET L=N
 4004 GOTO 1280
 4500 LET F=1
 4501 LET G=M-10
 4502 LET H=1
 4503 LET I=N-10
 4504 GOTO 1210
 5000 LET J=M
 5001 LET K=1
 5002 LET L=N-10
 5003 GOTO 1280
 5500 LET A=O+P
 5501 LET B=P+Q
 5502 LET C=Q+R
 5503 LET D=R+S
 5504 LET E=S+T
 5505 PRINT A;B;C;D;E
 5505 IF A>9 THEN GOTO 5520
 5506 IF B>9 THEN GOTO 5540
 5507 IF C>9 THEN GOTO 5560
 5508 IF D>9 THEN GOTO 5580
 5509 IF E>9 THEN GOTO 5600
 5510 GOTO 1120
 5520 IF B>9 THEN GOTO 5700
 5521 IF C>9 THEN GOTO 5700
 5522 IF D>9 THEN GOTO 5700
 5523 IF E>9 THEN GOTO 5700
 5524 LET O=1
 5525 LET P=A-10
 5526 LET Q=B
 5527 LET R=C
 5528 LET S=D
 5529 LET T=E
 5530 GOTO 5500
 5540 IF C>9 THEN GOTO 5700
 5541 IF D>9 THEN GOTO 5700
 5542 IF E>9 THEN GOTO 5700
 5543 LET O=A
 5544 LET P=1
 5545 LET Q=B-10
 5546 LET R=C
 5547 LET S=D
 5548 LET T=E
 5549 GOTO 5500
 5560 IF D>9 THEN GOTO 5700
 5561 IF E>9 THEN GOTO 5700
 5562 LET O=A
 5563 LET P=B
 5564 LET Q=1
 5565 LET R=C-10
 5566 LET S=D
 5567 LET T=E
 5568 GOTO 5500
 5580 IF E>9 THEN GOTO 5700
 5581 LET O=A
 5582 LET P=B
 5583 LET Q=C
 5584 LET R=1
 5585 LET S=D-10
 5586 LET T=E
 5587 GOTO 5500
 5600 LET O=A
 5601 LET P=B
 5602 LET Q=C
 5603 LET R=D
 5603 LET S=1
 5604 LET T=E
 5605 GOTO 5500
 5700 IF F$="1" THEN PRINT "Wow! Totally amazing! It's eternal love!"
 5701 IF F$="2" THEN PRINT "ARG! It's eternal hatred!"
 5702 IF F$="3" THEN PRINT "Cool! Total like, dude!"
 5703 IF F$="4" THEN PRINT "Bwahaha! Totally aevil!"
 5704 IF F$="5" THEN PRINT "Ugh! Exceedingly scanky!"
 5705 IF F$="6" THEN PRINT "Pants Almighty!"
 5706 IF F$="7" THEN PRINT "What a scankwench!"
 5707 GOTO 1292
 5800 PRINT "You have stoopid names!"
 5801 GOTO 50
 6000 PRINT "Byezebye!"