no this is not a joke every word of it is true i cant help it if its fucking april fools day when i want to write an entry.

so i havent updated in ages. fucking deal with it. get over it you fucking bastards its my website ill update however the fuck often i fucking like. fuck you. i dont fucking care if you send me fucking hate mail or sign fucking awful entries in the fucking guestbook, you can just fuck off. or fuck yourself which ever you fucking prefer. hahahahahhaahahahahahahahaha.

fuck. i said fuck too much. well i hope ive offended you all now. fuck you. fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck. hahahahahahahahahahahahahaha.

i have given up on smileys because they take too fucking long to draw. fuck them. besides i dont fell like smiling. i know i spelt feel wrong but i cant be bothered to delete it so fuck off. why dont i feel like smiling i hear you ask. well ill tell you. this is going to be one fucking long entry but if you dont fucking like fucking long entries then you can fucking well fuck off. hahahahahahahahhaha.

anyways last time i wrote here i was obsessed with luvchild but her fucking parents had banned her from the internet and ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh i was so angstful. i was such a fucking freak. but anyway i was crying all the time and cutting myself and writing letters to her i sent one to sothere.com because i thought it was such a fucking cool thing to do but they didnt post it. fucking bastards i fucking hate them. they wouldnt know real writing and real pain if it came up and bit them in the face. a bit like a dog. oh fuck that was gay. why the fuck did i write that. anyways where was i.

oh yeah so i fucking missed luvchild and i was on the verge of killing myself because we couldnt be together. i phoned her fucking parents and said if you dont let luvchild back on the fucking computer then ill fucking kill myself and youll be put in jail for the rest of your lives how would you like that you fucking bastards. and they were just like who the fuck are you. i am kali said i. btw i am thinking of spelling my name with two ls or two is or maybe even two ks just to be original and pritty because there is another kali out there and she is such a fucking freak. kalii. kallii. kalli. kkali. kaali. kaalii. kaallii. kkaallii. no that looks gay. maybe i should change my name altogether because i heard someone making fun of me on some fucking ubb and if i change it no one will know who i am. what should i be called. kari. kaari. lyssa. lissa. lissaa. jayea. jayiia. shaeli. shaelii. something like that.

now what the fuck was i talking about. i get diverted dont i. oh yeh i was telling luvchilds parents who i was. i am your daughters lesbian lover i said and if you dont let her back on the comp then we are fucking going to elope. and then youll be sorry wont you. muahahahahahahahaha. and with that i hung up. i know what a fucking stupid thing to do. but i was so angry with them and i wanted them to think i was a crank caller and i rilly was going to kill myself.

but then i remembered the computer and thought id better fuck up all the ubbs before i died. so i posted loads of fucking offensive messages and porn and stuff. the fucking bastards deleted it. they all think theyre so pornographic dont they. they have pictures of naked girls on their sites and say words like cunt and sperm and stuff but as soon as i touch their precious ubbs then they freak out and delete them and shit. what the fuck are they on. do they have mpd or something. probably. oh yeah thats another thing its sooooooooo fashionable to have all these diseases and disorders like ocd and mpd and bipolar whatever the fuck that is and then its soooooooo fucking cool to take all this medication. no wonder theyre all so fucking fake. im not on anything muahahahahahahahaha. not even heroin. fuck i hate all those people who can get heroin so fucking easily and make pages devoted to the stuff. where the fuck are you meant to get it from. apparently the fucking town where i live has the third worst heroin problem in cumbria even though only about 3500 people live here but ive never seen it in my life. the scallies probably have it all fuck them. anyway i fucking wish people would stop making pages about heroin like what is the point. its only a fucking drug its not like glam or something. its so eighties and it fucking kills you. its such a fucking uncool way to die have they never heard of pills or razrs and stuff. i think ill tell the police about all these pages just to make them fucking stop it. muahahahahahahahahahaha.

o fuck im getting diverted again. right so i was fucking up all these ubbs and talking to godoffuk luvchilds cyberhubby on icq. he was rilly fucked up about it too and he said he was going to fucking kill himself because he missed her so much. i said lets kill ourselves together and itll be so fucking poetic and luvchild will cry for us forever and wow ive just had an idea. lets make a website about our depression and our deaths and luvchild. it can be a tribute to all people who know real pain like we do. none of them have got a fucking clue. maybe if they see our site theyll understand and stop going on about fake depression and disorders and medication and drugs and angsty hanson songs and fucking stupid stuff like that. so we were working on this page and i was getting really fucking annoyed because i wanted it to be in frames because luvchild is queen of frames and stuff and neither of us could make the fucking things work. and i was throwing things at the walls and yelling fuck you frames to everyone within a 300 mile radius and everyone on the internet as well and then something rilly fucking amazing happened. fuck i wish i was still allowed to use exclamation marks because i rilly need some for the next sentence. i dont fucking care what the fucking shrink said but i dont want to look like a total teenybopper. who i dont give a fuck im going to use them but dont you dare call me a teenybopper or ill fucking kill you with a broken bottle. and believe you me itll hurt. i know because aw what the fuck ill come to that in a minute. well about a day at this rate but never mind. your probably fucking sick of reading this anyway but if you dare press the back button before you finish reading this then ill fucking kill you with a pizza cutter. and that hurts as well. or rather it doesnt hurt at all i know because i tried it once when i was desperate for a razr. it just tickles. but itll still fucking kill you because youll die laughing so muahahahaahahahahaha. its such a fucking awful way to die because you know you wanted to die all depressed and drowning in a pool of tears and blood and misery but instead youre laughing your fucking head off. and fuck it hurts as well. your sides are splitting youre wetting yourself and its fucking awful.

fuck. yet another diversion. what i was going to say was this. luvchild suddenly appeared on icq!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

godoffuk and me just couldnt believe it. is that rilly you we asked her and she said it was. apparently she was on the computer at her best friend kaylias house. i was pretty fucking suspicious. like who is kaylia i asked why havent i heard of her before. are you fucking her. and she was like no no no she is a fucking bisexual nine year old crackwhore and hanson fan and i fucking hate her but shes got a fucking computer and i havent. so i apologised for accusing her of this and we had an orgy to make peace again. me and her and godoffuk and katy who was online too. fuck katy is pritty fucking hot. anyway eventually by sunday evening katy had to go to school since she lives in australia and is hours ahead of us and the other three of us wept tears of blud into our keyboards and then godoffuk had to go too and luvchild got rilly suspicious. hes 37 years old you see and she thinks hes married to this whore or at least living with one but he denies everything. they had a really big fight about this and she was sobbing. i could feel her pain and hear her cries but i managed to comfort her. and then we were alone at least, bleary eyed through lack of sleep and emaciated through lack of food but totally totally fucking in love with each other, fucking each other senseless over icq. it was so beautiful. it was perfect it was fucking magic it was the best thing id ever experienced.

god i was such a fucking freak. but ill come to that in due course.

anyway at eight the next morning my parents went fucking ape. youve been on that computer all weekend they said the phonebill is going to be fucking enormous but thats your own look out. anyway youve got to go to school. and i was like noooooooo i cant ill fucking die ill fucking kill myself i cannot be apart from my beloved luvchild for another second. and you know what they did the fucking bastards. they unplugged the modem cable and literally carried me to school muttering stuff about putting me back in the loony bin or at least taking me to a shrink. i was screaming and sobbing but they didnt pay the slightest bit of attention. fuck them. i really was on the verge of killing them except i didnt have any weapons with me. fuck ill kill them tonight i said to myself.

at school it was absolutely fucking incredible. the school computer system was actually working!!!!!!!!!!!! oops sorry about the exclamation marks but it was worth them because they were meant to be working right back at the start of term and after that they kept saying theyre going to be ready tomorrow and all this shit. and now ten weeks later they actually worked.

i was meant to have lessons first thing but do you think i was going to them. bollocks. i went on the computer straight away and downloaded icq. we werent meant to download anything but i couldnt be apart from luvchild surely they had to understand that. so i went on icq and fuck!!!!! luvchild wasnt there. i nearly fucking shit myself it was like what if shes killed herself or something. i wouldnt be able to live with it. i was sweating like crazy and shaking and all these first years thought i was having a nervous breakdown and then suddenly it struck me. i hadnt added her to my contact list. what a fucking freak i was. so i added her and yays there she was online. and we started having cybersex again.

and then this fucking teacher came in and saw what i was doing and went ape and sent me to my lesson and banned me from the computers for eternity and said he was telling my parents what id been doing and if i did anything wrong again then id be expelled. i said fucking excellent i cant wait to get out of this place and he was like right thats it youre out. what did i do wrong i asked and he said i swore. fuck you i said but i didnt care because i wanted to be gone.

but the fucking headmaster said i couldnt leave until the end of the day and i had to go to all my fucking lessons. the loneliness was killing me just like in that brittney spears song oh god its so beautiful why the fuck isnt it number one anymore. and i kept crying and through my tears writing love poems to luvchild about the pain of loneliness and being misunderstood.

and then something really weird happened. he yes HE ohmigawd i used capital letters came over to me and put his arm around me and said whats wrong dont cry and all this stuff. but at that point i couldnt give a fuck what he was saying. his touch made me feel all icky because he wasnt luvchild and luvchild was my lover not him. and as if i was going to tell him about luvchild. he wouldnt understand nobody did hed just laugh at me and i couldnt handle it because what i felt for luvchild was beautiful and if anyone mocked it then id fucking kill them. right then and there with whatever weapon came to hand first. so i told him to fuck off and he wouldnt so i said to this teacher hes harassing me and he left me alone then. and i broke down into hysterics sobbing I FUCKING WABT LUVCHILD!!!!!!!!!!! and everyone either ignored me or asked what was wrong so i told them all to fuck off.

eventually the horrible day was over. fuck you school!!!!!!! i said ill never have to see your ugly face again. i couldnt get home quickly enough because at home i could be with luvchild again. our reunion was wonderful beautiful dazzling perfection the best thing ever. i was sobbing my eyes out and so was she and they mingled. im never going to leave you again and she said the same to me. so we had cybersex and everything and it was better than ever. it was transcendent.

and then my parents got home from work and said we hear youve been expelled from school well tomorrow were sending you to an all girls catholic boarding school. and i was like fuck you theres no way im going there but they were quite determined. therell be no internet they said so you can kiss your little friends goodbye now. and i screamed and i cried and luvchild screamed and cried too but there was absolutely nothing we could do about it.

and then a plan occurred to me. i would run away. i would go and fucking live with luvchild. well probably with luvchild and kaylia since luvchilds parents are such fucking bastards and wont let her use the computer but either way if i couldnt be with luvchild on the computer i could be with her in person. yes!!!!!!!!! and she couldnt believe wed never thought of that earlier and she couldnt wait for me to arrive and i kept saying ill set off right now but we couldnt bear to be parted from each other so we kept saying goodbye ill see you soon again and again and again but we couldnt get off the computer.

and then i did something utterly fucking stupid. something i will regret for the rest of my life not that i intend to live for much longer. he yes HE sent me an email saying he had dumped her and he rilly loved me and would i go out with him. and what did i say. i said no way you fucking freak. of course. because i was going to live with my beautiful luvchild i didnt need him some fucking stupid eighteen year old boy telling me he loved me when obviously he didnt. he didnt have a fucking clue what love was only me and luvchild knew that. all this time i had thought i loved him sooooooooo much and wrote hundreds of fucking love poems for him and then i find out hes a total fucking bastard. figures. fuck.

now at the time i was really glad i had told him to fuck off because i didnt want anyone getting in the way of the love i had for luvchild. she had dumped godoffuk that morning and told him to go out with katy instead because she didnt want him anymore only me. and i was like awwwwwwwwwww youre so sweet i fucking love you words cant describe my love for you. but now i see how blind i was then how fucking blind and fucking stupid. it was the stupidest thing id ever done in my life. why you ask. well ill come to that in a moment.

the night drew on and it was nearly the morning and i said look ill really have to go now before my parents wake up and stop me and send me to boarding school. so we had one last final tearful goodbye and then i turned off the computer and packed my bags. i didnt take very much with me because all i rilly needed was luvchild. but i took my razr and hole and natalie imbruglia cds and print outs of luvchilds page and our conversations so i could read them on the plane and think of her. so i left the house saying fuck you house fuck you parents im fucking out of here ill never see you again thanks for nothing. and then i went to newcastle airport and got on the plane. im not going to bore you with the details of all this.

eventually i arrived at kaylias house tired and dying through lack of luvchild but i managed to keep going because i knew the strength of our love would see me through. and i rang the door and this fucking ugly overweight kid wearing a bsb tshirt answered it. i almost screamed. this couldnt be my beautiful sexy lovely pritty luvchild. then i realised this had to be kaylia and i breathed a huge sigh of relief. hello are you kaylia i said.

no she said im luvchild are you kali. fuck youre gorgeous youre even prittier than i ever thought youd be. i love you sooooooooooo much come in and well fuck.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck!!!!!!!!! this couldnt be happening!!!!!!!!!!!!!! youre not luvchild i said you cant be youre only about twelve fucking years old. im eleven she corrected me but it said that on my website didnt it. did it i asked i never noticed. and i hadnt. i was sooooooooo fucking impressed by her use of frames that i just stared at her main page for hours on end and thats what i did every time i visited it. i never thought to read her journal or her poems and certainly not the about me page. i had always assumed she was... well i dont know. but she was sooooooooo mature and sexy and lovely and beautiful on icq and her frames were sooooooooo pritty that i just assumed she was beautiful in real life. like tori amos. and she couldnt be less like tori amos if she fucking tried.

oh gawd!!!!!!!!!! i said. im fucking out of here. hey she said whats fucking wrong. you are i said. you might be pritty on the inside but youre fucking ugly as sin!!!!!!!! i cant believe i had cybersex with you all those times ewwwwwwwwwwwww. and she started fucking crying. fucking grow up you crybaby i said or ill kill you with your own razr. that just made her cry even harder. so i walked away disgusted. why had i done this. i was such a fucking freak. i had spent hundreds of pounds on icq conversations with her and all my fucking life savings on a plane ticket to this fucking stupid place and i had fucking told him to fuck off and all for what. all for this fucking ugly snivelling stupid eleven year old. fuck!!!!!!!! and now i was stuck here. i didnt have any money for a plane ticket home i didnt know anyone here and i didnt have anywhere to stay. what the fuck was i going to do?????????